Trance

Been some time since I’ve posted. Things haven’t changed much since my last post. But certainly, some way or the other; I’ve become accustomed to the busy life of my friends.

It can be pretty hard on you when you’re having nothing do and when you’re friends are busy out there working full time jobs. Contacts can be put on hold and the frequency of contacts between friends will reduce. It took me some time to realize it, but I’ve accepted it and I choose to move on. It’s not about being happy or sad, it’s about understanding the facts in life. Nothing can change that.

I’m almost in a trance state. Another season of exams are fast approaching and as usual I’m ill-prepared to face them. Actually, I have only one exam in April and the rest are scheduled on mid May and June.

That means I’ll getting busy myself and things will be a bit easier on me,’cos believe me when I say this; I can take busy any time, but I just can’t deal with boredom!

This is yet another chance at redemption,trying to better somethings I could’ve done better in life. I wish I clear off a load from my shoulders this time around. That would be such a huge relief. Well, you never know what to expect.

Anyways, I’m going in with a neutral mindset towards everything. Anger,emotions,pain,happiness-nothing. Plain and simple on the periphery without much turbulence in the depths. I’m not happy nor sad,but I think I have managed to move on. Well, let’s see where I’ll be at one year from now. Hoping it’ll be for the best. God Bless us all..

Debts

So, its that time of the year again. Exams..:(

Come this November, and officially my 9th semester exams begin. As you’d know there’s no 9th semester and I’ve finished my college this May and this is what I’d like to call “settling-the-debts”. 😦

I know, depression is the mood of the hour. Well, I can’t be super-excited about the fact that I still have about 27 papers/subjects to clear to get my degree. It sucks, really. I have thought about it in the past few years,but I never pictured myself falling into this much of a deep shit after finishing my course. Frankly, i never expected it go this bad, and that’s what really sucks!

Engineering is never really a tough task. Well, apart from the usual things like 50-60 papers, n amount of assignments,reviews, project etc etc.. it could never really be that hard,given you are an average student. Then what happened to me on the way. :O

Simple answer; I just enjoyed the best way I could in the past four years! Booze,grass and everything nice you could think of. That was my Sophomore year in college. After I realized I was getting off the track, it was all a downhill from then on. Shit just piled on.

Now that I have finished my college, I know it’s pointless to blabber about my failures in my blog. But I can’t admit to all these things to my parents or anyone(not while I’m sober at least 😀 ). I have to do it somewhere, right?! And I’m not Catholic so that I can go to Church one day and tell the priest that I’ve fucked my life up! Well, pleas bare with my few followers and friends here.. I’m just a clueless child trapped in a 22 year old body!

God, I wish things would fall into its place. Degree has become enough of a challenge for me now. Besides,after all this; I still have to find a job, a place to live may be. Life is getting pretty serious from now on. Serious in the sense, I can never shy away from responsibility for I have thrived on the same thing for my entire life. I just wish I get through all this stuff;bruised, I can take but definitely not dead.

Let there be peace.. \/

_Aj

Engineer! (a brief summary of my 5 months of engineering life…..)

“Wow! That wasn’t so difficult! ”

These are the words I would so desperately want to tell exactly 4 years later when I pass out of my Engineering College.

That seems to be a loser’s desperate desire, yes, I admit it! But truly my friends, those who all still have the time. Those who haven’t chosen Engineering as their way ahead, I’d rather say, get a pretty good idea about before doing anything not-required. My 1st semester commences after my First University Exams which are scheduled later this month.

The last four months. …..Everything was not the same anymore!

After an almost 7 month long,lazy vacation, I literally crawled my way into a college,hoping of becoming an Engineer, regardless the way I chose.

But life taught me that , things which seem pretty clean and clear from a distant are just disasters in waiting!

I don’t know when, but may be it’s because of the stereotypical idea of our society of a boy becoming an Engineer; I wanted to be an Engineer from the very beginning itself.

I had the destination in my mind, but not the path.

Along way, I had several distractions. But somehow, I managed to get up from all of my falls. I dont’ really think of it as an achievement. Rather I think of it as,”life finding a way out”..as quoted in the famous movie Jurassic Park.

Recently I saw the movie #3idiots. Truly , one of the best films I’ve ever seen in recent times. The movie just shows a glimpse of an Engineers’ college life. (I recommend all to go and watch the movie in theater, if you haven’t seen it yet! It’s a must watch!!)

So by summarizing my last 5 months of Engineering life, I think things are just beginning.

But I know one thing that I learnt over my 14 years of schooling; i.e, I would miss all these tensions and troubles once they are over. ‘Coz they come only once in a lifetime! So make sure you get all the juice out of it!

As I was saying, the reason I took up CSE as my department, is still a question of choices. Whether to be with girls or do something I really know, OR rather both as in my case now.

Whatever be the reason, I took up CSE, and I’m doing my BE degree right now. I have my semester-end exams coming up later this week.

So what’s the point of this blog. hmm….that still remains a question, right?

Well we all have questions. And we get their answers only when we go out and explore out for them.

I had a lot of blank or rather dreamy ideas of college(engineering) before I joined my college. Now that I’ve started out my journey, I feel frustrated,overjoyed, tensed,relieved and most of all thankful that I’ve chose my way at the right time and hopefully the right way.

I know I’ll be missing all of these fun, tension, love and friendship later on. So better get the best out of it,right?!!

Last 4-5 months gave me a lot of things. I might be wrong later. But still,as of now, I have a lot of good friends, which I couldn’t even gather in 14 years of my school life.

For the first time in my life, I was really away from home, at a place far away from home. But never alone! Never alone!

I think …., I just saw a glimpse of my life ahead. First semester of my life!!

The 7 semesters are awaiting me!!

I better be ready, to enjoy!!! :)_

~

When does failure gets accustomed?

Well, Yesterday, i hastily wrote down something I felt of my exams. That’s when my mom came up here into my room and scolded me for staying up so long int he night. Well,that payed off quiet well in my exam yesterday. ..!

I was sleepy in the first place. The second thing is an obvious one., I didn’t study anything. So there you go. Perfect mix for a disastrous recipe..!

so the story goes like this, I failed in yet another Chemistry exam! It seem’s this “failing” thing is become a routine over these days. Strangely but surely, I’ve accustomed myself to failures. It’s not that the whole world come’s crashing down when you fail in an exam these days. Queer it may sound , but that’s been my case lately.

May be it’s because I”m getting a nice company even in failure. Most of my friends, who are good at studies , too falter in front of one subject, most of them chose that subject to be Chemistry! So , things aren’t quite going in my way these days. ..especially when it comes to Chemistry.

Only thing that drives me forward nowadays is my  love. I just love her so much that I just wish that she was with me right now. Well, not entirely a Romeo-Juliet story, but still worth a shot! But , as I’ve written in my friends slambook , its not that I’m afraid, situations force me to hide my love! So you got an idea of where I stand.

Studies going bad, falling for a girl, Chemistry becoming an uphill task each passing day. … Life just couldn’t be any worse.  But then, god doesn’t make everything bad for you. These are just the tests that he throws at you so that when you overcome them, you could enjoy a happy life after that!  Well, all of this might seem an Utopian dream, …. I mean, what happens next?

That single question has been haunting me for quite sometime now. I pass 12th(hopefully!), join a collage, hang out with my buddies, chill, enjoy, then.. ?

I mean, fun is FUN…but when does it becomes boring? Duties are something that you always try to run away from , and when you are far from it, you try to come back…always.

Well, I started on something and took a diversion I guess. So then, my chemistry exam went pretty bad,infact it couldn’t get worse.
I slept most of the time, teacher’s were even complaining to my little sister about it! Well, I guess its the price you have to pray for a reputation in a small school like ours. 23 marks out of 70 has really become a magical figure these days. Even double figure mark has deserted me for quite  a while now.

But still i’m here, gazing at my life ahead. Gasping at times, at the sheer strangeness of it, but left amazed in the end.

I think I just got accustomed to something I should have never done in the first place. It’s not that I DID it.. it’s just that , i lost my track on the way, I was washed away in the flow, ……………..

Now I am moving with the flow. I realize it. I know it. But I can’t just swim upstream. I want to , I desperately want to. I am too lazy to do it.

New Year’s Resolution…..hopes still fresh

So guyss… the lucky loser is back. … doing what he does the best.. blogging..!

Well, my first two days after school didnt go bad, I mean , it couldn’t have got any worse, can it..?

After that Loooooooong Xmas vacations.. lazily , I went back to my school. The same place I’ve been going for the last 14 years… nothing has changes so far.. but the way, i’ve started looking at things..

SO then, its pretty visible na.. my hatred towards my school..!

Well, It hasnt’ been the way for many years.. but this year ..my eventful school life has been brought to a rather sheepish end..

Things started going wrong from day one.. this academic year..

Hopefully, the big year ending spectacle, OUR BOARD EXAMS.. won’t be the same with god’s grace..!

SO then, life went smooth for the past two days.. not much to write about. Its nearing New Year.. and all are getting ready to celebrate..

But my life ahead is gonna be painful.. no easy rides.. only tough ones..

First I’ll have to tackle a menace called Model exams. I have 4 days to study and finish or even atleast prepare myself..

well, i’m not done with that really.. this month is full of exams..as if i’m not done with this one..!

Second model on 19th..! Board EXAMS on Mar 2nd..!

So lifez gotta be smooth next year..!!!!!

Well, I dont know what’s gonna happen tomorow.. its that much worse these days..

Life just brings you packs of surprises… that you never get time to cope up with it.!

well, I failed in 3 exams … I bettered my record of 4 exams..!

But surely , the coming models are going to be tough for sure..

I’m uninspired.. dumb, frustrated, irritated and in  all those possibly worse moods for a person to be in. ..and not certainly a right time for a person to write exams..

But, I have to. I’m forced to. Even though I don’t want to, I’ll just have to succeed. .. for the sake of others and for the sake of myself.
My future hangs in a balance upon the result of these exams.

I might sound like a terrible loser. .. but I just haven’t reached there yet.. , yet..!

Well, on this New Year’s eve, My NEW Year’s Resolution would be to try to study as hard as possible…

Atleast for the next two months…

But surely its gonna be tough .. to stay away from bloggin, orkutting..

BUT I”M done with losing..!

I’ve got to win.. and that’s it..

_Determination drives a man…_Anil