New Year: Looking Ahead

So, yet another year comes to an end in our lives. It’s New Year time and its that time of the year when people look ahead into their lives with much hope and optimism.

Well, I’m no different. Its everything optimism and hope still with me. Maybe, I’m a bit more pessimistic about my life than in the past few years. I guess, there’s no point in pondering over the past and being grim about it. Its New Year and its time to look ahead.

My life has been anything but pretty in the past year.  I’ve been stuck in a metaphorical (as well as creative, physical etc ) rut for the past two and a half years now. The last good thing that happened to me was College. Once that came to an end; I’ve pretty much got stuck or derailed off the path. The path, as anybody would know is to make a living and move on with life. Like a lot of 24 year old’s world over. But somehow, I have managed to find myself in a no-man’s-land situation. It’s neither there nor here.
And I kinda feel nowadays that, I’ve had too much of a free-time. My time to nap has been up for a while now. It’s time for me to get back my ass on the line and work.

It’s a strange wish but I feel that what I really need is some order in my life. Order in the sense, an institutional order. Like belonging to an institution, being part of something, working for something. A cause. I guess, after all; that’s all we need in life. A cause. To work for, to live for.
Because at times I feel, being free doesn’t make me appreciate freedom for I think it has spoilt me. Maybe I need those chains to tie me down so that I can appreciate my free times. Strange wish, like I said.

Sometimes, I feel that time just flies by so fast that I don’t really have a moment to catch my breath and just take a look at what needs to be done. It’s like my youngster-care free days are being worn out sooner than I had wished for. The energy of youth sucked out of my system. All I know is that if things are gonna go the way they are going right now, I’m gonna be a zombie looking at the lives of others while mine just goes down the drain. The thought alone gives me the chills to my bones!

There used to be a time when I had dreams of me engaging in far greater things in life. Well, maybe we all grow up to realize that most of our dreams just remain in the dream world. The greats of our lifetime are just meant to be great and the rest of might just be meant for a whole different purpose. To be spectators to greatness. To clap our hands at greatness. To live out inconsequential lives and to die an inconsequential death. No state burial ceremonies, no public mournings. Just plain deaths. Like crows on an electric line. Whoof! Gone in a moment. Maybe some of us are destined to be the audience.

Well, I thought last New Year was my worst in years. When I look back, it definitely wasn’t my worst. I just had a sober New Year’s eve in almost 5 years, that’s all. Kinda like the whole year too. No frills and thrills, nothing exciting. Just sobering up in life. Making me feel older than I should. A receding hairline, a bulging pot belly and an increasing weight. Not in the best physical shape for a 24 year old to put it mildly.
Dealing with the harsher realities of life like the death of my grand mother too had somehow sucked out some of my carefree energy. Life definitely aint’ what it used to be and I’m not having a hell of a time dealing with it.

This New Year’s eve, things were different than last year. I did have a party with my friends. Had a few drinks, laughed out loud, made some noise and went to sleep drunk. All was well while it lasted. But it’s back to my usual mundane routines now. Eat-Sleep-Internet-TV-Repeat.

Even amidst all this, I wouldn’t wanna write off my last two years. I learned. I learned a lot while I was doing nothing in particular. I got exposed to new ideas in freethinking. As much as it was liberating, it kinda took away my oftenly used solace in God. Well, let’s just leave it at that for the moment and look at other good things that happened.
I think I’ve learned to become more empathetical. I feel empathetical for my mom especially for the life she has had in the past thirty odd years. I now know what it feels like to be a homemaker. How mundane life can get. I do wish things were different. I promise to myself to make things better when I can. I hope I can.

Looking ahead, I hope things are different from what it is now. Hoping and being optimistic as ever.

Slow : The agonising pace of my life

Has anyone ever noticed that the things around you adapt to the pace of your life ?

The way you drive your car, the way you eat your breakfast, the time that takes to go to toilet, and even the speed of your internet connection. Somehow, I feel; everything has a fixed speedometer attached to them which corresponds to the pace your life is going.
Remember your college days ?! When things went too fast and you thought that everything in life was going be like this forever ?! Yea, I made that mistake too apparently! College was like an escape. Your paid vacation; only its the other way around( You pay them for your vacation! 😀 ).
So then, 2 years down the line after college, here I sit in front of my PC, 7.30 in the morning having nothing better to do than to repeat a lazy routine of TV-Internet-Food-Sleep in any kinda order I want, I find things in my life to have attuned to the dull pace of my life itself. Everything has become slow. Like a loopy dream, a trippy ride. Everything has become like the screeching sound a fan makes on an oven-hot day. Slow. Dead slow.

Life has taken a turn for the worst since my last post here. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I writing down something here and feeling happy about it. And when I’ve just said ‘life has taken a turn’ I think I should elaborate on that particular sentence. Life hasn’t even taken a turn for the matter. It actually stood there. The very same point at which I found myself 2 years ago since I’ve left college. No turns, no drastic changes, nothing. All I had been doing during this while was to try and fix up the mistakes I’ve made in my college life. Mistakes could be a naive word for it. I was actually clueless. I still am for the matter. Clueless on what to do, where do I find myself ten years from now. All those sort-of ‘practical’ questions life throws at you. Questions you were supposed to have an answer to by the time you had hit 20(or 25 in an excusable way). I had been evading it all my life. Now that I think of it, I’m clueless as ever and it frightens me!

The scariest thing is the realization that I’ve gotten used to the dull pace of my life. Maybe its another way of saying that I got lazy. As Nick Dunne says it in the book Gone Girl, ‘I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree’. I found myself looking at the mirror while reading those lines. People say that you have to venture out in life to make something for yourself. To take that leap of faith so as to speak. Its not that I don’t know what I have to do right now, but the very agonising truth that I’m incapable of doing anything right now. I’ve put myself in this situation where I had handicapped myself and found comfort with that. Its me who is pulling me back and I am OK with it. That’s what scares me the most.

I’m almost 25 and I don’t have a flying fuck on what to do with my life. Nothing in this point could entice me. And I’m being uneasily calm about the idea of me being stuck in a rut. These days, I’m so bored I can almost hear myself repeating the words I’ve just spoken out. Hearing it again in my head as if there’s an echo. I wonder sometimes why I hadn’t gone crazy after all this time. Do you feel I’m exaggerating ? I welcome you to share my life and then maybe you can make a judgement on me.

People always complain about why they’re being subjected to misery in life. Believers tend to think its their karma that led them to this shit. The funny thing about my life is, I didn’t do shit! 😀
You ever felt that way?! Having done nothing yet you find your life in a downward spiral all the time! Nothing in the purest sense. Blank,plain, nothing! I have done nothing as far as I can remember.

To give you an idea about how sick my life has become remember the routine I’ve mentioned above. TV-Sleep-Internet-Food in no particular order! The world I find myself in is the online world. People whom I’ve never met before has become characters in my life. I tend to speak of things happening online in the way a normal person would talk of his work/college life. I literally has no life outside of the virtual world! There’s this big gap in my life after college. And I filled it with the online escape. Up until college, everybody has a steady routine.  A tension free queue to fall into while shaping your life. But after that, you’re on your own and its you who has to take charge of things you have to do. And I think I haven’t taken that chance for the past 2 years.

Waking up every day feeling the same as you did the day before.  Having to pinch or slap yourself to remind that yes, you’re well and alive.
Do you ever wonder why people started making calenders, naming each day as a Sunday or a Monday. To have purpose in life. To differentiate each day of life. Well, in the grander sense of things it’s all meaningless because you live, you work, you die. You die either way so trying to make a purpose is the most meaningless thing you could do. But I think the simple reason behind all this could be that life in itself is monotonous and you find ways to go around that monotony as much as possible, trying to make a purpose for living, to be happy. And I think that’s what makes life worth living. Finding ways to keep yourself happy amidst all the monotonies of life.

Well, I think I’ve bored enough with my blabbering. As you might have figured, I have nothing better to do right now. All I can say right now is that I’ll be back. I’ll be back here if I ain’t crazy by then. You take care!

Poetry : Lost and Found

It’s been a while, I know. Well, with nothing really happening in my life; the whole point of coming out here and scribbling something has become a little less appealing to me these days. Or you could just say that I’ve been lazy. Either works fine with me.

So, life has been pretty much the same for the past one and a half years now. Boring, Dull, whatever words you can find to describe it doesn’t do justice to the feeling. Any ways, the whole reason I’ve decided to come out here is because, today I switched on my old phone and found a piece of poetry I’ve written about 3 years ago. I don’t know if I had posted it here already, but I just found it too good to be left alone in the dusty corners of my old phone’s memory. I know, I’m boasting about my own skills here, but the person who wrote it 3 years ago and the person who is struggling to write something nowadays have a lot less in common; that much I can assure you. All these years, I’ve been trying to rediscover that spark I’ve lost a long time ago. I feel that I need a creative push more than anything at the moment. Well, who knows what might be of help. So here it goes. Hopefully, you’ll find this good too.

” I move with limped legs,

and a broken heart

waiting for the final whistle to blow..

the end of a lost game.

Walk away with little left of what 

can be called as pride. 

Yesterdays starting to become 

long lost memories, 

Hard earned virtues of the past turning into 

nothing but the trash of today. 

I gasp for breath in this alien world..

few things that kept me alive becoming pricey 

each passing day..

I’m left with no choice but to live

till the ultimate escape..

to swim a few worthless miles 

before drowning deep.

to make some noise before 

the eternal silence. 

I lie here waiting to be dead..” 

This  was perhaps the time when my first infatuation kinda died on itself. That’s why the whole macabre kinda mood to it. Any ways, I’ve never had such an inspiration to scribble something like this in a long time, I figured I might just post something I’ve written a long time ago. Looking back, all of it seems so silly. But it definitely fuelled my creative pursuits and that in itself is a positive thing I guess. As someone once said, adversity brings the best out of us in ways we can never imagine( if no body had said it before, let’s just say, I said it now! 😀  ).

Let there be peace! 

The “In-between” guys : the middle-men crisis

This is not exactly an identity crisis I’m facing but the realization. In fact, I’ve known this for a long time now but I felt the need to convert my feeling into words just today. For the sake of it. To lend my voice to all those people out there who are like me; the In-between guys or the middlemen as I would like to call it. 

There is no specific terminology but this is just a word I have coined after watching a movie of the same name but it somehow clearly depicts the picture of what I’m trying to convene. 

Have you ever thought where you fall into in the society ? I have been having such thoughts for quite a while now. And I think, as I’ve said before, there isn’t a particular category where I’d fit right into.

I see the world as filled with three kinds of people. First section comprises of those who are society’s favorites. The ones among us who are right away successful, who are right now as I speak leading an exemplary life. The sort of life our Uncles and Aunties mention to us in weddings and other social get-togethers. I’m sure lot of us have had to deal with such a scenario at least once in their lives.

I’m talking about the one’s who are successful in doing things the way society meant us to do. The one’s who think with their brains.Academically brilliant, getting a good job just after college, financially secure( not overly spending and not being a miser; the fine balance). Yes, you get the picture. Social darlings!

i’m not undermining their efforts for I know a lot of people who’d right away fit into this category. I know that some of them are reading this and might be thinking that this is just a loser’s way of interpreting things in life. Well, I’d like to see life from another perspective I guess, as simple as that. It’s just that the guys who fall into the first category are kind of the text book role models in life. And I do not blame the society for having put up them in such a way for they seem to have everything a normal society would dream of as ideal. So, that makes our first category. 

Then there’s the second category of people. The outcasts. 

The one’s who think with their hearts. They’re sure to have a very troublesome childhood,teens and youth. Once they’ve reached their youth; you’ll find them more often living life on their own terms and despising anything that could be termed as systematic. They’re the one’s who are free. But just as everything, freedom comes at a cost. And society will look upon them as examples of how not to lead a life. The socially outcast. They seem to have extremes and only extremes in their character traits. Extremely emotional, and most of them are extremely talented. For the things they lack in academic or rather the socially acceptable norms of brilliance , they make up for it in their own ways. Artistic, imaginative, dreamers. They are the real geniuses with an eccentric spark in them. Just as with the first category, I have a lot of friends (in fact one of my best friends) who would fit right away into this category. 

Then comes the broader,third group. The in-between guys. Where people like you and me fall into. 

As the term suggests, we’re the in-between guys. We’re not total outcasts yet we don’t really fall into the social darling category. We try our best to walk in both these paths. Yet, confusion is what rules our lives. Caught up in that eternal fight between the heart and the brain. We’re sensible enough to be practical at times, yet we wish more often for that true freedom. Even if we’re presented that kind of an opportunity to be free at last, we some how do not make a run for it and settle for the least troublesome option. Simply putting it, we do not have the courage to be social outcasts, and we’re not equipped well enough to be social darlings. Somehow, we’ll have to make do with the golden word our society has provided us with : Adjust ! 

Unlike the first two, we tend to take lot more time in finding our stand in life. And even if we have found something that suits our interests, we’re emotionally willing to sacrifice for the sake of others. Just as I said before, cowards when compared to the outcasts and less brilliant in socially accepted norms of excellence. 

So there must be something that’s meant for us. We do those kinds of jobs that require people like us. People with enough patience to handle the outcasts and people who are appointed by the social darlings. Lot of us never make it anywhere. We just live, and we just die off the face of this planet. No body cares for us and no body is going to know that such a person ever lived here. It’s harder for us to make our mark here for doing that we’d ultimately have to embrace either one of the two choices. To be a social darling or to be an outcast. We just can’t make a mark for ourselves by embracing the best of both worlds. To be frank, I’d rather go the outcast way than being a pampered idiot who lives his life on the terms dictated by others. 

The reason I’m posting this is because I’ve met someone in the past few days. A guy who I know for a fact that he would have been crowned a genius straightaway in a Utopian society. A society where people with dreams are encouraged, where actually people with different interests are pushed to pursue their course in life. But unfortunately, he was born here. In our society. Where it is acceptable to study a course which holds no interest value whatsoever but being artistic means jobless and being looked upon with frowns. I’ve read an interesting quote that goes like this,” What will the society think has killed more dreams than anything else! ” It just cannot be more clearer than that. 

Therein lies the great confusion people like me are facing each and every day in life. We are consumed by emotional bonds that we are forced to be practical in many situations in life against our wish. Somehow we become accustomed to being practical at times that we often forget the real meaning of being free. Also it has shaped our character in such a way that, we cannot live without these responsibilities. Somehow we just can’t adjust live with the no-rules ideology.  We have grown to find comfort in the chains we are tied to. 

I’m sure a lot of you will be having such confusions in your lives as well. Let’s hope that someday the dust will settle down. Optimism is one thing I have with me to move forward. Let’s hope we’ll die as somebody valuable,somebody worth remembering. Not just a name in the obituary column. Lets just not be one among the many people who die in a revolution. Let’s either be the heroes or the villains. World should remember a man called Anil after I’ve gone. Its as simple as that! 🙂 

Let’s hope that our dreams are fulfilled too, someday.. . 

< P.S I desperately hope that people read this post. This is by far the best post I’ve written with truly my heart and soul into it. >

A year without a change

It has been a year since my college life has come to an end. When I come to think about it, it has been a pretty dull year. All my previous posts being clear indications of dullness that has become a part and parcel of life for the past year. 4 years of luxury have been well spent, time to step on to the real world; no one warned me it could be this worse.

Change is what that has been lacking for so long in my life. I haven’t got accustomed to the comfort of lazily sitting at home doing nothing since I dream every once in a while of doing something and turning things around. But execution has been a failure of sorts lately. Since this blog has been my personal shrink for years, whenever I feel that the situation is too much for me to handle, i come here blurt out the stockpile of emotions that has been suffocating me. It feels good,for a moment at least. Please bare with me my few readers. 😦

Another season of exams came and went without making much change in my life. To think of it now, my future depends on some random set of words that comes out of a blue of black inked pen! Some system we have,right! 😀 Well, the time for blame-games have past a long time ago. So no point in making blames at the ever-so-corrupt educational system that we have in our great country.

Somehow, this is more like a vacation I didn’t ask for. Or at least an extension of a vacation that I wanted. Too much of a vacation can spoil your mood; I have learned that the hard way. For long I have been stuck at this juncture having no idea, what to do next. Days go by and suddenly you stop to realize that a year has gone by in your life without making much of a noise;and you still have no clue what’s going on!!

Again, much couldn’t be said about what should be done because the choices are pretty simple. Clear the mess or become the mess! As simple as that. Let’s see what the mystic future holds for me. God bless. Peace!

Stagnant

Life has been pretty much stuck for the past 3 or so months. And just when I thought things couldn’t go any worse, it’s actually got pretty shittier these days. Having to do nothing is one of the worst things that can happen to you. That means, that you’ll do anything from staying up all night and even blogging early morning just before going to bed. You just wish for a desperate change in your ever so fucked up boring life. .. 😦 

I have finished writing my arrear exams(back-logs) and its been almost a month. I’m sitting on my ass having to do nothing and it bugs me. Friends who have been an integral part of my life has got busy with work or similar things in their lives and it’s down to me and my best buddy to be stuck at the same thing in our lives. Boredom slowly starting to get the better of me; I don’t know when I’ll turn completely crazy and start doing random acts of craziness. 

To rub it in, many of the people I despise seems to have found stability in their lives. It’s not that I’m jealous, but I’m shocked by how my life hasn’t changed much over the years! And one of them is certainly my first crush. Oh my god, I do not know where to start. She has already consumed over countless hours and many a bytes of this blog already. And guess what ?! The first girl I’ve ever fell for dumped me in the beginning, then made peace with me to keep me in the friend-zone only to be left alone from my life for good, thanks to my best friend who explained to me what a fool I had become by going after somebody who never really wanted me in their lives in the first place! Well, the present sees her getting married in the near future. Not to mention that she has settled down with a nice paycheck job in a well off place. Oh god, I’m so mad at my self to see where I’ve landed. No job, No degree, and bored to death sitting at home having nothing better to do than to sleep. I despise my existence sometimes. Not that I’m suicidal, but I’m a man of adventure. May be not in the literal sense, but I always wanted constant change in my life. I never imagined that I’d stuck at a juncture in my life; ever! Things looked so different 5 years ago! 😦

Well, growing up is overrated. I wish my life was simple as it was some years ago. Well, that would be impossible. I just hope that I clear all my fucking back-papers that has been literally pulling me back in life for the past 4 years in college. OH god, please show me some light… I’m sick of the darkness.. 

Testing Times..Changing Times…

Another year comes to an end. Somehow, I feel this year has come to an end too soon. Don’t know why, but may be time flies when we’re in the thick of things. Last year this time, I was a final year student of Comp. Science Engineering with a lot of the usual problems. A lot has changed in the past one year, and a lot has changed yet remained the same at core. I miss my college life these days. I’ve been on the nostalgic path since last year. Being the final year in our course, we tried to make it memorable in every way. And I’m glad that I’ve got a lot of memories to cherish a lifetime.

I miss my friends,my best friends. I miss my old life. Tension-free,Freedom,Do-whatever-you-want kinda lifestyle. Everything has become a thing of the past. Life has moved on. My best friends have found jobs and have moved on with their respective lives. They have become busy with their daily life. I haven’t changed a bit in the past year. I’m still writing my exams, carrying the baggage of arrears that I’ve earned in my 4 years of college life. My exams are almost over, I’ve just got about 3 more to go; finishing up this Jan 6. Responsibilities have piled on. The last time I messed up my academics, I found a safety net in my college. This time around, I’m left with no option but to clear my papers and settle down with a job.

Life as I know has changed, a lot.

Most people talk about turning points in life. I guess, this is the most important turning point (yet) in my life. There were guardians to show me my path all these years. Now I guess,it’s time for the little birdie to leave the nest and search for its own horizons.

Deep down I’m afraid. I’m scared to see my life being spent like the millions of working-class today. I’m scared of losing my friends in the thick of things. Life is going to keep us busy. I can foresee that. I’m scared to lose contact with my best friend,whom I’ve called almost everyday in the past 4 years,but may be not so regularly in the past 3 months. I’m scared to see my best friend getting married and moving away with her own life. I’m scared..

Nothing hurts more than love itself. Almost anyone who has come across this blog once, would know about my infatuation/crush I had on this girl for about 6 years or so. Back then, I wept for nothing. I cried because some girl didn’t love me. But now, I’m finding it hard to cry even after realizing that my best friend for four years is going to be busy with her life and I just can’t do anything about it but to hope that I’ll always be a part of her life.

Life is at its most testing phase when you are left with hope but no choices. Even tears are hard to come by for your comfort. I just wish I could break down and let it go.

But I guess, nothing is easy. Even the slightest of things. As always, I can only hope for the better.

I just hope that even though things change, the feelings remain the same. Emotions keep us together. Our relations remain the same even in these testing times. Though not bonded by blood, I hope that we’re all tied at our hearts by the bonds of friendship. I pray, that all those people I love remain with me throughout me the coming year and the years to follow. We may be miles away, but our deep down let nothing change. We had our best times; let the times to come be even better. I just hope …

Goa!

Good Times!

 

thanks to victor bhai !!

 

(THIS happened 2 months back. Please bare with me for a very late update. )

About 2 months back, on July 9th; me and my friends went on the trip of our lives(yet!)-to Goa!

That just gives you the clue to what happened afterwards, Well, its Goa for one thing. The usual stuff is bound to happen-party,booze,grass,chicks etc etc.. The boring part is that we went there on an off-season and these kinda stuff where a seasonal stuff(apart from the getting-high part of course;that’s one thing that doesn’t have a season).So then, 9th of July.

I was preparing for this trip ever since I was getting bored with College. Actually, my college life improved over the last few months and everything became good ever since. So practically, when I was stuck with exams especially in the third year of college, i was planning for the trip of my lifetime just after finishing college.

So, college life came to a memorable end and I guess I was on a kind of a nostalgic hangover for some time after that. It was then, my friend Deepak had urged me to think of the trip. So again, it was travel time!

Our initial planning included a couple more guys in the trip but unlike us, most of them got busy with either job or post graduation plans. Then there was this other guy who couldn’t make it because of his sheer stupidity. I guess, that sorta thing happen with every gang where one guy always screws up! Anyways, slight changes made to the initial plans, we headed out to Goa on 9th after noon.

NONE of us really had any clear cut plans on where our stay will be and where we’ll be headed first once we’ve reached there. Basically it was just 5 guys headed to a strange place in the hope of reaching somewhere with the slight help of destiny!

As our luck turns out, thanks to our constant chats and enthusiasm; a passenger above our berth got a clue that we were headed to Goa and inquired us about our plans. His name was Victor and he was a Malayali settled in Goa. He also had a side-business of tour arrangements in Goa and asked us to consider his offer. We were reluctant at first(typical Malayali nature 😀 ) and we said we’ll consider afterwards. He warned us about landing at the railway station and getting mobbed by the cab-waalas there. We didn’t think of then but we were certainly in for a shock after reaching Madgaon Station.

Once we stepped out of the station and tried to get a cab to reach Baga Beach, those taxi-waalas mobbed us with fish-market bargaining skills and tried to force us to take a cab. We were just out of the train after a long 12 hour trip and the first thing we get in the morning was such a thing. That really sucked. Thankfully, our Victor bhai was there waiting on the station and seeing all this he said he’ll arrange his vehicle to have us picked from there in some time. Well, even though we didn’t like his offer initially, a known devil is always better than an unknown one right. So we waited for his car for almost one and half hours in the station. All of this because our plans weren’t quite up to the mark. But from then on the trip was just a blast!

SO victor bhai came with his own car after an hour and a half and we were taken out into the beautiful Goa! Mind you,we went there in the Monsoons and I know quite a lot people who think that there’s nothing to see in Goa in the Monsoons. Well, let me tell; you haven’t seen the most beautiful side of Goa then! The monsoons are really treat to the eyes. Everywhere you look, its all prosperous and green with constant drizzles freshening your mind and soul. I know I come from a place(Kerala) where we think we’ve seen it all when it comes to monsoons but I’ve gotta admit this; Goa is like this beautiful little package when it comes to seeing places. Almost all places are beautiful! There was nothing like a dry spot or a dull spot. Each and every place was charming and exotic! You’ll never get bored seeing all this beauty and you just wish you had more days with you to spend there.

We were on a tight schedule considering our shoe-string budget. None of us are making our own money right now and so the freedom was some what limited. But that didn’t let us stay back from having a hell of a time!

After having breakfast near the Goa’n Collectorate ( Mind you the food is really expensive when comparing with the prices here in Kerala;  but really tasty! ), we headed out to the places that were near the Madgaon station. The first beach we went to was the Bambolim I think(Goa’s got a lot of beaches-sorry if I mix the name’s up). After a quick change of costumes we headed back to the spot where movies like Dil Chahta Hai were shot. Before that we bought some beer as tour-openers and started our usual party!  By the time we reached the Aguada Fort, one of my friends got so high after drinking 5-6 cans of Drought Kingfisher beer that he found the whole thing a headache. After roaming around till the evening we settled down at a home stay at Baga Beach. It was a nice place with hot water shower and clean beds and considering it was off-season, we got the place for a reasonable price. Right in front of our place was a Shack that had food and beverages. After helping my drunk friend to the bed, we 4 went out to explore the place. We smoked some hukka at a local hukka bar, had some beer,tanduri chicken, and parcelled dinner for our friend. Then it was time for us to get high! We walked for about 2-3 kms around, saw the Goa’n nightlife! Well, nightlife in the sense how people in Goa spent their nights! We really did want to go the famous clubs like Tito’s and Mambo’s but our wallets weren’t agreeing with us! 😦

Either way, we brought a decent enough scotch for Goa’n price(Liqueur’s Cheap in Goa-one of those perks!) and headed back to our place. Also, we had some Bombay made Cigars and some chicken tanduri as touchings. It was really a nice night out with friends and we had a great time!

Thanks to the scotch, I woke up late the next day. Had a great night’s sleep. It was really a welcome thing after that tiresome train journey I had the night before. New day and new places to discover. We had some wonderful tea at a place called Brittos with some great Sandwiches. Also the other night, we had some Choc Mousse as dessert. The place was packed with tourists! It was great!

Once Victor bhai came to pick us up, we packed our things and headed out to the road. Once you hit the road, you’ll just fall in love instantly with the mesmerizing beauty of Goa! I mean this when I’m telling you this- if you have the money to do it, Goa is place to do it! You name it, you’ve got it! You can have a lifetime’s blast there! Or if you just want to have a breath of fresh air, take a bike and roam around Goa for it is matched by none!

It was raining occasionally and thank god we were inside the comforts of our air-conditioned car! We decided to do the biking thing another time, perhaps when the place is a less wet! After seeing a couple of beaches, our Goa’n friend had arranged the local booze for us-the Goa’n feny! Mind you, if you’re going to have a feny, you better have it from the pros! Luckily for us, Victor bhai arranged for home made feny that was about 4 yrs old! It was heavenly! It’s not easy to drink if you’re a regular scotch-brandy kinda guy. Mix it with some limca/sprite and it tastes every bit like cashew ! (Not going to describe how it is made- but it’s a local arrack made out of cashew:google it for reference)

Victor bhai also took us to secret places up hill where we got a majestic view of Goa! I’ll post the pic here.

We went to the Agudhi water falls and made that place lively with our own songs and pranks! Everybody else got cheered up after seeing us doing one thing after the other! Went all the way up to the falls( thanks to the feny, i was in heaven!). Not recommended though, the place is filled with slippery rocks and sharp stones.

It was all a bliss when I’m thinking about it now. Again, thanks to the feny, I had no trouble sleeping in train on the journey back home. Can’t forget the great food we had there, the great booze, the bargains at buying things,tattoos, everything was just great!

Wish to go back to Goa once again, perhaps some day with my own money! On a road trip may be… hmm.. i’m still dreaming!

College Life: The End

This would probably be my last post whilst I’m in college. So, here I am bidding adieu to my good old college!

4 Years it’s been!! Can you believe it?! 4 years have gone by so fast that I am needing a moment right now to catch my breath! Lot has happened over the past 4 years, I know. This place here, my blog, has been my constant emotional-dumping ground for the past 5 years now, I think. More than anybody, this blog has seen me hating my college, wanting to quit, breathing whilst drowning in problems, and finally enjoying the last few days of my college life. This blog has seen me realizing how petty my life issues were before I joined college and realizing how silly I was in making mistakes and choosing friends,before joining college. College has taught me a lot. It seems making friends was the best thing about college to me. Being the emotional person I am, I am right now overwhelmingly exhausted with an array of emotions. The final phase has given me a whole lot of great memories to cherish. Thanking god for that pleasant bit of an ending!

I always had my best friends beside me always. From my childhood to teens and into my youth. My best friends are still with me and will be there with me forever. College gave not only gave me friends but a best friend whom I could depend on my life with. College gave me my cutest and dearest best friend! Of all the things I’m grateful to my college, this would count to be best one among the lot! In troubled times, her friendship was the lonely solace I found in college. Moments that we shared together are becoming memories now. Memories that are beginning to haunt me. I really wish things could pause for a moment right now.You know, this moment,  this time, our present is never gonna be there again. All my friends have left our college and only a few like me are there(finishing off exams of course). This is the moment that really is gonna be a turning point in our lives. I mean, we might not see each other for years, who knows ! 😦  Life might take us miles apart, but our hearts remain tied with the bond of friendship ( My fav quote ! ).

We’re not gonna see each other as often as we used to in our class. That’s a hard truth we’re gonna have to deal with in the coming days of our life. I’m still hanging on to the good memories of college not wanting to move on. But someday, I have got to move on, I know. All I want now is that all my friends, my best friends, my best friend to be with me in life till my last breath. Friends are the best thing that has happened to me in my life. They are the best thing I have earned on my own. A few good friends of mine till the very end. I’m not wishing for anything lavish,ain’t I ?

I know, all of this is a bit cheesy. But admit it. The best moments in life are always a bit cheesy! Whether you like it or not. Deep down inside of every person there’s always a bleeding heart that wants to keep the dearest things close and the dearest persons closer.

Our college life might have come to an end. But this sure is a beginning of things. Hoping that all good things remain good and all great things grow even greater! Hoping that our love will always stay strong between us and our friendships will last forever… Hoping and praying as always… Let the best things happen to us. Farewell guys….. I owe my life to you.. .

The Hard Truth: A Realization

This week,our college was shut down owing to the strike’s going on in Tamil Nadu state. So that gave us a week to sit idle at home.Well as it seems now,free time can give you a lot to think about..

All along the past four years, I’ve only had bitter experience with my college life. The whole scenario changed in the past few months. I’m actually starting to like my college and when that’s happening,it seems my days have been numbered at my college! 😦

For most of the my tenure at NIT(Erstwhile JIT,my college), I’ve always had one thing or another to complain about. But as I have just said,the past few months or rather the past year has brought a lot of changes in me and my perception about my college.

I know that I’m gonna miss my college days(if not my college!). My friends,the best time’s I’ve had there and of course the worst times. For I now realize that I will never ever be having a second chance at doing these things over again. It’s a one-off shot and I think I tried my best. I may or may not regret in the future about the things I could’ve done in my youth,but for the time being; i know I’ll miss those days..

Even though, I’ve had so many bitter experiences to start with; I think, I’m a better person at handling and understanding people than I was 4 years ago,when I joined my college. I now know the difference between hay and seed. Friendships, both good and bad,had been the mainstay of my college life. And thankfully, its the good that will always be with me throughout my life.

As I’ve said in the beginning, this whole week is off for me and that really made me think about my future. The impending reality. The harsher side of things. All I have done this time is simply sit at home and lavishly spend my time. Just wasting my time. It’s not the same feeling I had when I had a long vacation after my school life came to an end 4 years ago. That was regret. Regret,that I could not have utilized my time well back then. To go on tours,do crazy stuff etc. Like all regular teenagers. But that feeling has been replaced now with worry. Worry that what will I be doing when I’m done with my course in the coming 3 or so months. I’ll be having a lot of time,yes. But time to face life- to step out of my comfort zone and make a stand for myself. All my life I’ve been spoon-fed to disastrous levels that I’m doubting myself whether I’ll survive out there in the real scene. I trust my instincts,my skills,my determination-yet I’m doubtful of my performance. Since life turns serious from now on, I miss all those things I value the most. Friendship,love and all those good things. Since college life is coming to an end,most of us won’t be seeing each other regularly like we see everyday in class. Who knows; some of us won’t be seeing each other for years to come! I’m too sensitive to imagine of such a scenario, for I can’t bear the sheer pain of having been unable to away from my dear ones. I may have my own share of defects and faults, but if there was anything I was good at; I’d say I always knew how to keep my loved ones with me by spending the only thing I ever had with me,love.

As of now, no one can guarantee where we’ll all reach within a few years. Journey of life might take us to the extremes, but all I hope is that my loved one’s are never far away in heart miles. Close to heart even if we’re miles apart.

Well, the spare time had given me a lot to think about. And thoughts are concerning. As the wise have said before, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I’m praying that I have the toughness and strength in me to take me through the opening’s in life. I’m praying that people whom I care for are never missed and are always close to our hearts,always. I’m praying, for that’s the only thing I can do right now..