As usual…
the words might change , the situations change, attitude changes even;
not life.. not life…
HELLO folks!
It’s been a long time since i scribbled anything on my online paradise, I know. But still , what brings me back here is that good old feeling of freedom I get here. This is the only place in this alternate world where I , for sure, know ; I’m the KING!! 😀
Well enough of cliche’s and intros. We’ve had a lot of that here many a times… and I know more of it would just bore my ‘avid’ readers.
Well .. I reached home for Maundy Thursday ,[ I’m no Christian,BTW] and managed to scoop in four days of holiday thanks to Easter!
College life is entering a new phase as the second semester is on full flow. Two months have passed since the new semester began. And it seems, things are a bit different and cool this semester. The first-year-tensions have slowly vanished. Whether it be of ragging, or studies or anything.This is a point when you realize you’ll just have to swim out of here, even if the waters are a bit too deep for you.
But as I say always, you’ll miss these troubled waters long after you reach the shores.
So, as I said, college life turning out to be the one like in those movies; slowly but steadily.
Even though I pledged in my mind earlier not to rag juniors next year; don’t know why, but one-semester-seniority has bought some changes in me that wants me to scare some poor juniors out there!
Besides, we’re having our Arts and Sports Day’s in the coming weeks, beginning on coming Monday. So things are gonna be pretty much fun this semester!
But a lot of changes have taken place in my life compared to my school days.
I can feel people changing around me ; me myself changing…
I had my share of limelight during my school days. Almost in all spheres, except studies as all of you would know! 😀
But here around I see a drastic role ex-change. I can feel that I’ve taken my friends’ place which I would rather like to call as ‘safer side of fame’ !!
Not many in my college recognize me. Sometimes I really feel I’m out of my league here while keeping such a low profile. I mean, for someone who has always got his share of fame this change seems too difficult to accept.
But I’ve lead the life of a revolutionary in my school days. I had my share of mishaps, close shaves, and glorious victories. Everything here seems so shallow and un-inspired.
I don’t write that much these days, nor do I play. Those were some of the things I used to good at during my school days. Yes I am a bit disappointed that opportunities don’t come to me like it used to in my school days. Here , I think , or rather, I know, I have to start from point One. All over again.
It’s all about creating that image, isn’t it. Almost everyone would write off false images by saying we must be who we are and all that crap, in the day light. But when the sun sets, all of them wants to be in that safer side; that comfort zone in life. The one’s who dared to go beyond to experience the darkness, withered in the daylight.
I used to win almost all of the literary competitions held in my school towards the end of high school and frankly speaking, what it did to me was that, I felt like the King of some “2 inch’ Kingdom!
I know it’s ugly, but please take it as my confession and forgive me hopefully.
But having such an image had its share of advantages. Even if you weren’t good at your studies, you’d still be given appreciation for the other things you’re good at.
Well the truth is that , ‘the other things’ never gave me a good seat in a good engineering college; which to many in my society is the ultimate escape to a safe life.
Nowadays, whenever I see my friend in college, I feel, I’m seeing myself through my eyes. Jealousy, competition; I don’t know what to call it. But I feel that I’ve been given a chance to see how I lived through my school life in my college life!!
IT’S a usual trend. For those who’ve scaled their maximum in their school life, college life would be boring and without any opportunities. But for those who didn’t have such a glorious school life, College life is still another opportunity to achieve those heights their friends have achieved.
But this doesn’t mean that I’m retiring. Life gave me it’s perks and I’m hungry for more!!
Like they say , success is addicting , isn’t it?!!
But the only thing is that, I’d have to find out new horizons to succeed. New spheres , new areas in which I could shine.
BTW, who doesn’t like to shine ?!!
Although the path i chose, or rather the path which chose me, is SAFE, this safety doesn’t comfort me. Deep inside , i’m still that maverick who likes to go out to hunt his own food rather than eat what’s been put on my table.
I chose my way, I pave my road; I live my life.
But still, there’s that lucrative offer living life in the safer side with lesser regrets even though the happiness has got it’s limits.
From where I stand , I know I only have limited options. Not too much of anything.
But from where I come from, everything was large in magnitude. Whether it be troubles or luxuries.
But that’s the life one should live , isn’t it?!
For , when you die, you shouldn’t take back the regret of being unable to do some things in your life when you knew you could have; for you had to make that jump when it mattered. But you chose to stay tight, in the comfort zone, which felt comfortable at that particular moment. But , when you have no other options, you prefer to live such a life. That itself is the ultimate test. But I know I have the luxury to take risks and achieve fame in my life. I know , I have it in me.
I really miss my old life. And I desperately want it back.
I might have wasted an entire blog describing my desperate wish to come out of the shadow. But you know, sometimes it hurts to be called by someone else s’ name especially when that person happens to be your close friend;it hurts even more.
But still i can choose to avoid such unnecessary egos and live on my life. But when I turn back on my college life, after four years from now, I shouldn’t see me in the sidelines when I knew I could have been there in the track.
This is not where I belong. But somehow I’m not given that chance to go out of orbit, into my league, for they are trying to restrict me within 4×4 walls of life. I don’t know when , but I’ll surely break out of these walls that imprison the real me.
That’s why most of the times, I don’t feel at home when I’m in my college. I take it as just another institution; when i know I should have taken it as another opportunity to shine in life.
Too much of negativeness of one person’s lust , isn’t it?
But since i’m on the sidelines, now I know what it feels like.
I think god is trying to give me a chance to see life from a different angle.
Next is what,? I blink. But I hope there won’t be any regrets later on.
As my bus reached my town this time around., some lines came flashing on to my mind and I immediately typed them onto my cell. I wish to share it here, and hope you’d like it…..:)
” Memories frozen in some
darker realms of life
A thought,
a last , weak , spark by a
candle before it went blank
A thought that hoped
that I wasn’t dead.
Then
there was light
as if a billion stars came
down
crashing at one point.
Too much of everything good
that my bloodless eyes couldn’t
grab ’em all in..
Still,
I hoped, I wasn’t dead.
But then I saw my girl
at the front door,staring at me
I didn’t knew whether it was
tears or the rain that
washed her beautiful cheeks
Then
I knew , I was dead.”
[The last few lines were a bit cheesy :(, i know. But it was just a reminder to myself of the things i dearly wanted to have in my life 😀 ]
guιℓтy ρℓєαѕuяєѕ 