Testing Times..Changing Times…

Another year comes to an end. Somehow, I feel this year has come to an end too soon. Don’t know why, but may be time flies when we’re in the thick of things. Last year this time, I was a final year student of Comp. Science Engineering with a lot of the usual problems. A lot has changed in the past one year, and a lot has changed yet remained the same at core. I miss my college life these days. I’ve been on the nostalgic path since last year. Being the final year in our course, we tried to make it memorable in every way. And I’m glad that I’ve got a lot of memories to cherish a lifetime.

I miss my friends,my best friends. I miss my old life. Tension-free,Freedom,Do-whatever-you-want kinda lifestyle. Everything has become a thing of the past. Life has moved on. My best friends have found jobs and have moved on with their respective lives. They have become busy with their daily life. I haven’t changed a bit in the past year. I’m still writing my exams, carrying the baggage of arrears that I’ve earned in my 4 years of college life. My exams are almost over, I’ve just got about 3 more to go; finishing up this Jan 6. Responsibilities have piled on. The last time I messed up my academics, I found a safety net in my college. This time around, I’m left with no option but to clear my papers and settle down with a job.

Life as I know has changed, a lot.

Most people talk about turning points in life. I guess, this is the most important turning point (yet) in my life. There were guardians to show me my path all these years. Now I guess,it’s time for the little birdie to leave the nest and search for its own horizons.

Deep down I’m afraid. I’m scared to see my life being spent like the millions of working-class today. I’m scared of losing my friends in the thick of things. Life is going to keep us busy. I can foresee that. I’m scared to lose contact with my best friend,whom I’ve called almost everyday in the past 4 years,but may be not so regularly in the past 3 months. I’m scared to see my best friend getting married and moving away with her own life. I’m scared..

Nothing hurts more than love itself. Almost anyone who has come across this blog once, would know about my infatuation/crush I had on this girl for about 6 years or so. Back then, I wept for nothing. I cried because some girl didn’t love me. But now, I’m finding it hard to cry even after realizing that my best friend for four years is going to be busy with her life and I just can’t do anything about it but to hope that I’ll always be a part of her life.

Life is at its most testing phase when you are left with hope but no choices. Even tears are hard to come by for your comfort. I just wish I could break down and let it go.

But I guess, nothing is easy. Even the slightest of things. As always, I can only hope for the better.

I just hope that even though things change, the feelings remain the same. Emotions keep us together. Our relations remain the same even in these testing times. Though not bonded by blood, I hope that we’re all tied at our hearts by the bonds of friendship. I pray, that all those people I love remain with me throughout me the coming year and the years to follow. We may be miles away, but our deep down let nothing change. We had our best times; let the times to come be even better. I just hope …

End of the world?

I’ve just seen a movie that set me thinking about the title. I’m sure all you had thought about the ‘End-of-the-world’ thing once in your life. But this movie(Seeking a Friend for the End of the World), set me thinking. How would I wanna die, when I know that things are gonna come to an end.. 

So, have you thought about it? How would you wanna die,given a choice? Who’d you be with? Friends?Family?Girlfriend/Boyfriend? Neighbor? or with a random stranger? 

What would you do in the mean time,knowing that the end is near(It would be near perfect if there was a timer,just like in the movie).Go fuck with random strangers?Go rob a bank? Or rather shoot yourself with a gun ? 

I know. The title offers a wide scope to set your imagination on fire.But,since we all know that the Mayan shit is nearing and nobody guarantees total safety; who knows what will happen tomorrow.

I’m not sure what I’ll do. I had plans.To be very frank,most of my plans were my guilty pleasures(namesake!). But apart from that,I see now that besides my family and friends, I’m gonna die alone. Born single and die single. Could never find my mate. hmm.. that’s somewhat depressing to know. Isn’t it ?

I mean, we all live our lives as if there’s no end to it. We just waste off our time here doing things we really don’t wanna do. For the sake of doing things, we’re engaged with them. Not for the fun of it. Only in the time of adversity we’ll ever know what to do really with the life we have. Think about it. Our whole life would be pointless once we’ve faced such a situation. Whatever we’ve done till then in our lives. Most of the things would be pointless. Except for the memories we have of those little moments of joy. Those little shattered pieces of glass in our lives. The one’s that hurt us. The one’s that left us bleeding. Those would be the only things we’d have with us in the end. Memories. Nothing more. 

Now,I’m not saying that you should make this a point to quit doing what you’re doing right now and wander off. That would be just escaping from the realities of life. I mean, I want to do a lot of things I wish right now.But I am, just like all of us here; bound by the laws of this society. As much as we speak about it,all of us are afraid to be the outlaws here. So, even though I may speak and wish of the ultimate freedom that only come at an apocalyptic time, I’m not at liberty to go and slap my bitchy college lecturer or grab some hot ass on road. I know, that would be suicide. 

So coming back to where I started. If it’s really the end coming, what would you do? Where would you wanna be? Who’d you wanna be with. As of now, all I can say is this. I’d be with my friends and family,cos they’re the only one’s I have as of now. I really don’t wanna die single. I so desperately don’t wanna be such an unlucky loser.But there must a way of things, right? I so dearly wish, I’d not end up alone. 

Better make a backup plan,guys. Some things, just drive you nuts..

Sketches

Well well…. so the biggest occasion for a first year Engineering student has finally arrived!

I’m not talking about those stupid semester exams, no way! But it’s holidays!! Finally!!!!

SO I survived 3 and a half months in that dry college called JIT(Jail IN Tamilnadu)! 😀

an entire lifetime awaits me there, thanks to my maths lecturer who told me as i quote,” anil, you’ll not even pass in 2020 also” !!

Life is funny isn’t it!! 😀

He also told me to keep these words in mind, so I’m reciting it over and over!

The last 4 months, ….. well.. it was some ride, i have to admit!

Life was nothing as it seemed.  It was much bigger a canvas, an even bigger picture.

For 14 years, my whole world was limited to those little tensions in my little school. But this , my college, was a sudden exposure I got; and I think , it had been the most important thing to have happened in my life, so far….

Well, last time when I came here, I sketched through my diary , which I wrote during my 8th std days…

It’s just so funny, yet emotional to see how my views were about life and things , back then.

I proclaimed a fight between me and my girl-classmates a big tension issue back then. Also mentioning it to be the most important day or even of my life then!! 😀

Well.. what do we have now?!! 😛

That’s life folks! That’s life!

I’ve grown so much that, i even forgot about that ” big ” issue( else i would have certainly shared it here).

Yet, it was fascinating to see the excitement of being a “High School” kid , and the feeling of being a grown up.

Now that you’re really close to being a grown up, you don’t quite get the time to savor all these little moments.

That’s the problem with us guys. We just never know when to run and we always miss the starting whistle.

(The last few lines were taken from some book, the name of which i don’t remember, but thanks to the Typeracer game i used to play during my vacations!)

This vacation is really special to me. Well actually, i can’t tell whether this is a vacation or not, coz officially we’re having our study holidays, right now! So vacation or study holiday, these days, i’m gonna spend here, I’d be making sure, that they are spent wisely( and I don’t have any idea what that is going to be!:D ).

I always knew i’d be regretting for not having spent my 12th vacations wisely. Yet, I regret.

Now; each day I get, are like gems in a waste box. (mind my language, it’s a bit rusty)

Most of my school friends are here. They have their Christmas vacations now and most of them would be leaving by this weekend. But I’ll be sticking around here some while.

Love , life and everything has to find a space in these limited amount of time. I just hope that I don’t waste these precious days dozing off….!!! 😉

Happy Holidays Folks! 🙂

Change: Long time!

SO.. my fellow bloggers.. my very limited blog readers.. 

A very big haii from my part! 

It has been quite a while since I’ve scribbled something across my screen , or shared somethign interested with you guys…

THINGS have changed for sure in the past 5-6 months. 

I’m the same person who wrote interesting things about my life in the last few months, but now , somewhere down the line, I feel things have changed within me.

CHANGE has been so dramatic, overwhelming that looking back at my older posts, I wonder if it is the same person writing this right now. 

MY  Schooling has been over. A 14 year saga comes to an end..or rather came to an end almost 4 months ago. 

People whom I believed to be my friends turned out to be nothing better than strangers or rather aquaintances I’m looking forward to forget.

Change!

There are something in my past life, i’m trying to get rid of as of now. 

I, desperately try to move on.. but things just keep bouncing back at me. Never knew it would be this much hard to get rid of somethings in life.

There is nothing worse than people trying to make use of you in the name of friendship. Too bad for me, i came to notice about this only after a long time of 2 years. 

But as we say, life goes on.. we move on. Experiences in the past 5-6 months have certainly had a deep impact upon my life. 

As much as I would like to share it right now, to share the truths, the feelings ,or rather , plainly , my emotions with my handful of readers… It would be consuming a lot of time as of now. 

But one thing i’ve learnt in the past few months is that , Life , amongst all its troubles , sorrows, miseries, is the best thing that can happen to a person. It might be the ultimate masala you’d ever come across, but the way in which you decide to live it , what counts in the end.

I still need to grab some of the inspiration i left behind during my early blogging days to come back into that flow.

Lots of things to write, lots and lots of experiences.. 

Eagerly waiting for the next opportunity-

Anil