Waiting to get my ass whacked!

Going to college … Harder realities awaiting me. It was nice to spend some days at home. Kinda helped me rejuvenate and I must admit, it had made me lazy. But I know i’ll have to pay for all this when I reach college,. for it is one good reminder in life that things don’t always come in your way. You have to work your ass off sometimes to get something done.
Going back to college … to study life…

Reality Check

Again an expected break from blogging has kept me of this page for quite some time now. I’d rather blame it on my persistent laziness. But things have changed a lot since I’ve last posted here. A lot in the sense, I’d be needing a priority list to point out which one’s are to be stated first.

As we all know, life never comes to a stand still. My blogging might have been on the pause for the past few months now, but my life,had been going on full throttle!As we speak;As I type in here, 2010 is coming to an end. Eventful would be too short a word to describe what all happened this year.It was truly a life-changing year for me.

So, let me run a quick reality-check. My present; is pretty much the same to the outside world. My friends; the one’s I’ve met this year, last year are either close with me or get-away-from me. But my old pals still stick along with me and that’s not gonna change no matter what decade we live in.So people,good and new came into my life. Some walked out of it without telling a word,some I preferably threw out of my life;my mind. So that’s been taken care of.

College has been the usual hard nut. Nothing to cheer there. The only good thing then and now being the good buddies I have there. My seniors from Civil Dept. , my life-long pal Vineeth and his group of Civilianz, Rejin bhai, Ashwin everybody still remains a close part of my life. Whereas some, like Sony seems to be better avoided than kept close. I think I’ve learned enough of being a easy goer on such matters. Whenever you’ve gotta say a no, you should say a no.

Apart from friends and foes, a new bunch of problems kept on coming my way throughout this year. Teachers were never helping as usual. Arrears/supplis kept on coming in plenty. And as we speak, I’m in the middle of my Arrears Exams.

Academics don’t seem much of help right now, which has been a persistent problem of mine right from my Plus Two days.

SO that’s it. Life seems to be OK till this point, I know. So whats all the big-change thing about??!  But I’m sure, some would be having in their wildest of guesses, a naughty thought me losing my last sanctity. As much as I’d love to deny it or rather approach it, I’d have to be frank and admit to it.

And I’m not going to explain it any further.

Life has been going in full circles now. Every nuke and corner presented me with ample opportunities to get lost. And I lost my way. I know it; I acknowledge it. I think wandering is the essential part of youth. It ‘s the one time you must and you should let your mind free of all the things that has been worrying you. Be that one free person you always wanted to be. But while doing all this, stay low if possible and sneak out clean. 😉 That’s an advice bros!

Life had not been easy on me for the past two months. Constant arguments with my teachers, threats of being suspended, the looming possibility of expulsion. Everything made the already bad situation worse. My parents had to show themselves before the Principal of my college to save my ass.

I think I’ve posted about this before. This semester, I had a blast in the initial days with my pals and me taking leaves like anything. We didn’t go to the class for days and most of the times, we took leaves continuously. This was literally sending an  invitation to hell. And yes, we had to suffer for it. Me and Sony were in the line of fire. After much warnings and stuff, they finally did the good old shitty thing. Call the parents. And thank god for their timing. My dad was here on leave. My parents were afraid that they’d cause any harm to me and they showed up the next day itself. I tried my best, but I think that was the best I could have done that time. Thank god they came.

My Principal took the full opportunity to have a blast at me. Actually he exposed everything in front of my parents. He asked me whether I took leave to have drinking parties with my friend. Actually, I never took leave for that(excluding this one-time affair! 😀 ) , but drinking was becoming a pain in the ass that time with every weekend spend there meant only one thing. Ending up drunk.

After that I was given the ultimatum and was given the black notice not to take leave anymore. And so I didn’t. After that I only took one day as leave. I came to class regularly. And tried my maximum to stay out of trouble.

But there are times, when you try even your level best to stay out of trouble; trouble just finds a way to reach you even if it means catching a plane from Uganda and reaching my ass at the right time.

Whenever I stayed low and quiet, my teachers tried their level best to get the best out of me. And there was this time when me and my friend Vindeep was caught by our Environ’mental ‘ studies teacher for laughing at her. Actually, the whole class was laughing at her. She thought we made some stupid sassy joke about her and that annoyed her. Simply laying it; we were being victimized for the sake of our stupid class. Not to mention the lateral entry guys who came there. Adding spice to the already-worsened masala called CSE.

Even though, I wasn’t called up I decided to take matter into my own hands, tried to save my friend by ‘talking’ my way into things. And as you can imagine. The ‘talking’ part didn’t turn out quite so well as I’d imagined it. And then there were threats of expulsion,suspension and all sort of bullshit you can imagine. The shit just got mixed with tar so as to speak more creatively. She called up my class teacher/adviser and finally the whole shitty issue was handled out.

Life never seems to have enough of me. After that, again my attendance problem came up questioning my liberty to write the exams. Even if I was permitted to write the exams, I knew I wouldn’t do good. Naturally the same happened when my exams got finished a week ago. Just added some more to my ever increasing arrears bag.

Many of our counterparts, some of them my friends, quit this engineering business and escaped from this mental asylum. To speak the truth, Engineering in this part of the world, ain’t that tough a thing to be taught. But the guys in my college are specialized in making it a life churning one. We have to owe them our youth, our blood, our energy and all our good times. And money to add to that.

Result? They turn us into working machines. Brain Dead. Creativity ZERO.

My adviser for first year was a specialist in this actually. Oh, God! Please save her from the in numerous curses I’ve send at her. There had never been a teacher whom I hated so much.

My entire Computer Science department was filled with monsters who lusted for the students youth. They fed on our goodness; every bit of it. They’re monsters with no fangs or nails. They had venom. In their minds and in their actions. Empathy stand aside, here comes pure un-adulterated evil. Satan could literally be their kitten. They’re that good in doing bad.

Wow! I never knew I could narrate it so beautifully.:D But beauty ain’t the word for it maties. Never ever in this lifetime I’d relate them to something that’s even remotely beautiful.

SO coming back.

College Sucks! To put it simply. But I found a refuge with my seniors. Especially my Manu Chetan made me feel like  I had a brother there. Those actually are the good times I have there. The ones with him, the ones with my friends there at his place. With Vineeth and his buddies, Gopi and Rishad.

My house was literally a house. No home. Especially these few weeks. I never felt at home and I quite often found myself at home here in Kerala. A chance to get out from there was a chance taken for sure.

Many a things I’ve done, is being regretted. But some of them remains as experiences for a life time.

Reality Check:-Life still remains the same. At least on the outside. ON the inside, oh yea, it has changed a lot. Changes, some of which I don’t even wanna mention here. 😉

Make some wild guesses my dear friends. Stretch your limits. But I can assure you, things have changed. Changed for good, I believe! 🙂

Peace! \/

See ya homies! Feels good to be back here! Back home! 🙂  🙂

Twists and Turns : College begins….

I don’t know whether I might be successful in capturing readers attention by such a  or dramatic heading, but really, I feel that my language has lost its shine these days. 

So please bear with me, I’m prone to make more grammer mistakes now than I ever made before.  I’m not boasting how good I was in reading books, ‘cos i know that I only used to read interesting story books that made the headlines now and then. But thanks to a lot of movie watching and the occassional book reading, I really had some grip over my English language. But thanks to my English teacher, I really feel angry on what I’m being taught right now. 

Believe me, any person who has learnt English for quite some time and who has been speaking English for quite some time, would ask the same question I keep asking every class, ” WHAT crap is she teaching us??!” 

Thing is that, somehow, i just can’t get the heck of things. If I was ever good at anything, it was probably English. I don’t count that as my proud possession, but it’s rather the only possession i have after 14 years of schooling. So you know how pathetic how I was , especially towards the end of things. 

Enough of my miserable High School days. But frankly i was only good at writing and reading those days. But now, i just feel that insecurity of losing my only priced possession due to the negligence of some idiot whom I’m forced to call Madam.

Life is just so unforgiving. It puts you in weird situations where you feel for a moment that, yes, things are going to be fine and you actually get signs of things “becoming” alright. But you often fail to see the erosion under your roots. 

As i’ve told earlier, I was only good at writing and some occassional reading during the last days of my high school. And obviously , the more i imagined , the less i found a reason to study things by mugging up. And once again, my thoughts landed me up here, in Coimbatore[well i’m not at  Coimbatore when I’m blogging , ofcourse].

I study nowadays. With home works being a routine nowadays, i too do my works in hostel unlike in my school days. 

But what it gave me was an English teacher who misses out on a “be” most of the times. The feeling of trapped in some kind of an ugly dream is pricking me these days. 

 On one side, I have a choice of a life others would suggest you to follow, the usual path of success; study hard,work hard, mug up things and vomit it out during exams. Forget all the so called distractions like poetry, writing,language etc etc. You’ll have time for all that later on. 

And on the other side, i have my way of living. The way i used to live. Study when you’re interested, when you feel. Complete the works and avoid any troubles as far as possible. But mainly the life where emotion rules over practicality.

But ofcourse, I know quite a lot of people who still has no trouble in balancing between these choices. As if there wasn’t a question of choice at all. But there are other people whom I know who tried to pull me completely or inspire me to accept one of these choice. One was my teacher, not the college one ofcourse, but my 8th grade English teacher, who found the potential in me to write. She often suggested me the path of emotion. Completely un-attached with the rules of society. Thinking beyond and out of the orbit. She inspired me or rather suggested to follow the path less travelled. 

But on the split end, there was this guy, who cheated me, as i’ve posted in my previous blogs; who  defied the path of emotion and glorified the path of practicality. 

BOTH of them were rulers in their own kingdoms, but I was stuck at that weird middle position. I had to make a choice or live with the way i used to . 

But again, i have one of my best friends , who gives equal importance to both these virtues. Emotion must be taken into account most of the times, but at times, your logic pulls you back from certain unnecessary troubles. 

SO the point i try to convey here is that, even though i feel comfortable with my college and the college life nowadays, there is some level of uncomfortableness. May be it’s in the form of an English teacher who believes there ain’t a world outside hers or a hostel warden who tests the last bit of your patience. 

But on a whole, I expect a new ME out of Me in the next 4 years. Let’s just see….

Times when you think your life sucks..!

These days , I’m pretty much busy with my model exams. Yeah right, I wish I could say that, but as much as I’d love to pretend to be busy studying, I just can’t decieve my own conscience. I mean, i used to study good,and got decent grades, most of the times, excellent grades. But the last two years of my life had been really miserable when it comes to studying. Well then, here now I have model exams, i.e my pre-boards, exams before my board exam, my final exam, the greatest exam of my teenage life…!

Well so you pretty much got an idea of how much these models are important in my life. ..or in deciding my future. Well, that’s it..! But i’ve been nothing but a lazy git…! My mother, keeps on telling me to study but its rarely I touch my book these days.  Tomorow, i.e on 9th Jan 2009, I have my Chemistry exam.

Well, that’s nothing less than facing judgement day for me…! Chemistry , has been that one subject that had bothered me throughout this academic year. I just can’t get the heck of it! The twist came when my teacher changed and another replaced her. But that would be just a cozy reason I’d find for not studying. I’ve just lost interest in studies these days. I , above all persons know what teen stuff is really about. Well, I guess , I just couldn’t change things to betterment in my case too.

Life is going crazy these days. One of my model exams just finished a few days back. We had English as our first model exam. That went pretty good , thanks to my writing skills, and of course blogging. Everything helps when it comes to English . All you need is to write what you feel. Express your thoughts, give freedom to yourself as a writer. Well, that works for me , had been working for sometime now!

But in science and all, creativity is the last thing they’d want from you. That’s where I’d been falling back. I never study on a routine basis and always creates a panic situation in the last moments of an academic year. For long I’ve made it some how, but this year , it really looks tough. Not only that I have limited time to cover up all my portions, but only time I have now would be definitly wasted in front of my computer. uggh.. I just wish I could properly manage my time..!

Well, nothing more to share than a mind full of unsure thoughts of my academics, my love and everything else that you could come across a teenagers daily life.

Adios to all of my fellow bloggers. Hopefully I’d be back as a winner..! 😉

Anil ……..