Criticism: An Indian’s view point.

This is one of those off-my-personal-life posts. So beware, if you’re looking for some usual masala(which I’m sure you guys have had enough of)! For the lot who come and take a view at this blog of mine from the other sides of the globe, a quick reminder; I’m from India.I’m an Indian.

You know, it’s quite a statement to make in the present conditions.Why? Any normal Indian would find this question kinda silly, ‘cos our lives have been in this constant process of turning-into-a-nightmare kinda thing and I’m not exaggerating while saying this. Everyone who reads this blog knows one thing. I’m not an expert in handling mess while I’ve elaborated my self-made mess here for quite a while. Also, I’m not much of an expert in politics,although I had this bad habit of reading newspapers(which now I consider as a bad habit, ‘cos anything that’s news ain’t always good).Apart from that I was dumb. Just doing my stuff. Going around here and there, wasting my dad’s money,living;that kinda stuff. As I’ve grown old with new problems(self-made,as always) I found this new hobby of criticizing the government for its actions. Actually, if one can blame that as laziness on my part, the government ain’t doing any good that deserves some appreciation. To state a fact; daily life in this country is becoming really hard with each passing day.

The Western world often has this image of India that majorly comprised of slums and poverty(not to mention the poor old snake charmers!) which disturbed me for a very long time,actually. I thought of it as the evil motive of the western media to portray India as a bad place and then there are reports of the Indian media that goes on saying about 9pc GDP growth,Sensex hitting highs,F1 in India,World Cup in India,Comm.Wealth Games. etc etc. Mostly its all synonyms and abbreviations that put a glamorous image of India,yet somehow I felt India still had that bad image in the West. I’m not of the opinion that making a point to the West is the supreme factor in this world. But still it showed how we were perceived by the developed audience. Something had to be done.So our government invests a lot of money into something like the Common Wealth Games(argh,i’m ashamed to take that name anymore!) and proclaim that India has arrived!(frankly where were we all this time;Mars?!).And then after basking in the glory for sometime(months,actually) the Chinese organize an Asian Games that proves to be much more bigger than the CWG. So there goes the big elephant(India). And give some time, and we see a HUGE scam behind all this! Frankly, it took me some time to grasp the amount of money involved in the scam(the zeros were too overwhelming!)!! So my question to the Western Media-Do you buggers still think India is poor?! I guess not!

Then there are the likes of Julian Assange who come out now and then(respect him for the work he did as a fellow half-engineer) to throw insights into this “corruption” details The amounts of money involved, who all has them where and how, etc etc. A prominent Indian-Political family(democracy we are though, family always gets its priorities in politics) had the bank deposits in form of numbers which,frankly, until then been unheard of to me! Thanks to them, the common-man of India had the luck to hear of such numbers! There were many sms’s that circulated during the time that showed how difficult it would to just count this much of money! And add to that, we’re being governed by a puppet Prime Minister who is supposed to be under the control of this family. Now I’m scared, ‘cos Assange now tells me that the Govt. has its “eyes” on people who go on gaga about the govt(Terrorists,kinda). Slowly, this place is turning into some Eastern Extension of the United States. We’d be more than gratified if some day, India was recognized as an Independent American State by the US Congress! Thanks a lot PM(Indian,ie) for going in this right path! We like you, will not be have a back-bone in the future!

Then there is back-stabbing on the people by Govt. at monthly intervals. Fuel price hike! It’s like,it’s not news anymore! There ain’t any surprise upon hearing a fuel price hike these days. But we’re only bothered on whether this thing will beat the International oil price!

I know. What I’m doing now is utter rubbish and this will go down along with the millions of similar posts as Internet-junk.The successful ones among us might manage to get some comments and views. I mean that’s what we bloggers thrive on right! But the facts are never gonna be denied. While we all dream of that one day,when our country too joins the list of so called Superpowers, I pray that India remains India on that occasion. Not merely an ally of the west. I grew up reading in history textbooks about glorious stories of the past.The freedom fighters,Mahatma Gandhi and his non-violence,Bhagat Singh’s heroics,and post-Independence, the strong position India took during the cold war period of Non-Alliance.Now I see a common thing that gave us such a glorious past. We surely had strong leaders back then. It was one man/woman and the rest of the country. Sadly, post the liberation period(since the time I was born),although, we had several notable politicians,good ones among the whole bad lot; we missed out on having a strong leader. Leadership is essential in any team-game,let alone a country for I know that much. And frankly, as the citizen of this country, I don’t think much of the people governing me. This is where Democracy falls short. We have the power and all yes.But that’s an old preach. Once we’ve elected these idiots,we never get to see them. We only seem them on T.V afterwards,when they come out to make some of the above said anti-human decisions;fuel,commodity price hike, for an example. Sometimes, I often wonder,on the pathetic situation of this country. I mean, how could we elect the baddest people among the whole lot to represent us and form the government. Strange! I’m amazed at our misfortunes!

Now,I’m a guy who takes pride on being referred to as an Indian. But the last few years,our lives have become so much more harder,many a thanks to our government; I’m thinking anything but escaping from this country. Pride can be taken along with me in being recognized as an Indian,elsewhere;but certainly not here. I’ve lost hope on seeing this country get better as a result of some bill introduced in the parliament or a law passed. We’ve come a far way from all that. If it’s corruption we’re talking about, it’s like this one big virus that has spread all across the system,from the grass-roots level. Maybe our Indian football/hockey associations(forgot,Hockey here has two associations!) could learn a thing or two from the way corruption had grown in this country-from the grass-roots level!! Well, having said that, we can’t deny the once in a while golden stars that come along to spark a smile across our otherwise gloomy faces. The likes of Sachin Tendulkar, who inspire generations to strive forward with determination and hard work are faces of the glowing India. But the underbelly of this country is still grappled with age-old problems like poverty,sickness,along with newly-FOUND problems like corruption. Even though, many come out making proclamations that give us more insights into these matters, it is up-to us finally, to recognize the hollow ones among the lot.

As always,leaving the hope part to the almighty, for he is the only one who can clear out all the mess(which I know it’s impossible). Still,hoping that things would get better. Just hoping.

 

The risky path..sins,friendship and survival.

There had been several close enough moments in my life where my entire life just hung on balance.These are, those times when you’re really at the mercy of someone else or the choices they make. My life just went through such a phase. Or call it a moment actually;that would be better I guess. It was one of those moments; as I just wrote, where your entire life seems to have paused before you. Halt. Unexpected,untimely and surely unprepared.This time around for me, it was my academics that made sure that such an “event” took place in my life. Lack of attendance in the classes meant dropping out of college at one stage and somehow miraculously I managed to whisk past the whole thing.It was as if walking the edge of a cliff, slipping your feet and somehow god throws you a magical rope that gives your life back to you! Not that I have any sort of previous experience doing this, but in a figurative sense it really felt that way.

Actually, I made that final walk down the isle to meet my death(college-life death; not literal death,again figurative) and was looking into the emptiness that lied ahead of me wondering what to do next. 20 minutes or so, I walked on fire. My life was burning apart and I could see the whole establishment changing around me. Everything I have so far done, every plan I had in my mind,everything; was waiting in the line to get fired. Those 20 minutes or so, life taught me lessons I’ve never learnt;ever. So far, I had things my way and there I stood begging for a chance at the mercy of others. Principles,ideologies,morals and every sort of idea I had about my life was being shattered. I saw my whole life falling apart in those 20 minutes.

Well may be not much of an exaggeration was required, but still I was searching in the darkness for an escape route. I actually though of some back-up plans for my life. But again, as I said; life just bounced back into my half-dead,almost corpse-like body. Without any sort of metaphorical decorations, the situation was that, I was asked to get out of my exam hall siting that I had low attendance in-order to appear for the exams. If I didn’t write the exams, I couldn’t continue with my batch and would have to later on join with my juniors after one year when they reach the semester currently I’m in; which I would never do in my life for life has been a bit comfy for me to accept dire failures. Pride was involved and so were emotions. I would miss my friends. My best friend. and I would never choose a college life without all of this. Had this happened, my 3 years of bitter experiences at college would have come to an end. I would have accepted defeat at the feet of my enemy and would have returned home as a loser. The only thing I had in my favor was my will power. My will to continue and pursue my degree. Pass out of that god forsaken place once and for all; with a degree in my hand. It would be like going to the devil’s belly and returning with the holy grail. Unimaginable, yet attainable. And so, I was presented with the last chance, all over again.

I came back, from death. Survived. Managed to escape the whole situation with some minor bruises and scars which would eventually heal with time. But it was an experience like none other nevertheless. In those times, my only relief was my best friend from college. She would probably be the best thing that happened to me after joining college.May be I was after all, chasing a Utopian dream all these years, that god saved me for better things in life. I don’t feel lost in love these days like I used to. There were days when I used to dream of my love till 3 in the morning and not go to college after losing my sleep! That’s a silly reason I know but still, that was me a few months back. But now i realize, I ought to enjoy what god gives me right now. The joy and fun of friendship and I’m lucky to have a friend like my best friend at college. Life is not bad all the time. She was my lifeline through these hard times. So were my parents. But emotions are different with different persons. Friendship was my refuge and savior.

THE  present situation. Well the usual. But a bit more sinful If I must admit. Thoughts have wandered all along that they have sucked up all the dirt and pollution on the way. Crude and un-cut. Lacking the old luster of innocence, my mind has become a junkyard of sinful thoughts. I reckon this fact. I realize I’m thinking too much and too much crap. But mind doesn’t listen. It does not settle down. It meanders to new horizons seeking new meanings in life. Everything written and established; challenged. To break the shackles and free myself. The words might sound good, but believe me, my thoughts ain’t. And I’m in no mood to share it here so that I’d have to regret it sometime later. I have become a conscious blogger in this regard.But nonetheless, my thoughts need some mechanism that would pure them head to toe. It’s like I’m standing but I can’t fix a point on which I should stand. I want to get my life straight, sorted out. But I’m not helping myself here.

Still in search of that perfection that has been missing in my life for ages. Still in search of that joy. The last time i laughed from the heart; out of innocence. Want to relive those moments again. ..Wanting to start afresh.

 

Waiting to get my ass whacked!

Going to college … Harder realities awaiting me. It was nice to spend some days at home. Kinda helped me rejuvenate and I must admit, it had made me lazy. But I know i’ll have to pay for all this when I reach college,. for it is one good reminder in life that things don’t always come in your way. You have to work your ass off sometimes to get something done.
Going back to college … to study life…

 

Stand-Still : Life hangin’ in a balance.. Chances becoming slim

Finally, the moment has arrived. As of now,my professional college life hangs in a balance. Future seems bleak. My chances of getting my degree has become very slim now. How? You may ask. Here goes the story. My 3 years. ..

3 years back, I joined this prestigious(so-called) institution called Nehru College(Jawaharlal Institute of Technology, to be precise) in pursuit of a Bachelor’s Degree in Engineering. And as time went by, all i got was a lot of back-papers and even more bad reputation. I was categorized to be among the worst students by my teachers(if you can call them teachers i.e). They just took on my life and turned it into a living hell. Humans with the viciousness of a vulture, breeding on my flesh and bones; quenching their thirst by sucking me off my blood. They preyed on me for the past 3 years. I survived.

Coming to the point. My synonyms just show the way I think about the majority of staff at JIT(my college). My actions have taken me to a point where it’s not clear whether there is a path ahead and there is a strong possibility that you may just have to walk back. It doesn’t matter 3 or 5 years you have walked down this road. If there is no path ahead, you must have to walk back. The hard truth hits me like a rock every time. Reality is harder.

AS always, I messed up my attendance percentage(the min. required percentage is 75%) and got a 57% attendance. I bunked classes and escaped from the tenacious grip of my teachers. Most of the times, I was afraid of getting killed by them and this lead to consistent bunking of classes. Whenever I came to the class, they attacked with a reason or the other. Reasons weren’t that hard to come by for them, actually. I was a good punching bag for them for I didn’t respond. My mouth has been glued for too long. It got used to being kept shut.

I still remember that day when I raised my voice against my class-teacher in my freshman year. To this point, I never regret my actions for she deserved what she got. A reminder that there are people smarter and greater than her. If she gets a complex by reckoning this “Fact” , I say FUCK OFF! XX

I really wish I get a chance to beat up these bastards. If there was one feeling greater than sex, I’d say it would be beating up your bosses(in this case, my ass-hole staff at JIT).

I’m not saying all of them are bad, but a lot of bad fishes in the pond may just as well make the good ones also bad. That’s the perpetual case in my college(especially my department).

 So  where do I stand now. I’m at the mercy of these a**-holes. They wan’t me to lick their feet for attendance percentage. They make me run miles inside the college for silly things. They make the best of their time; for the ball is in their court. I’ll do anything they say. I know, you might be wondering why would be it like that after babbling for the past few minutes. I’ve wasted good 3 years of my life here in this hell. My heart just doesn’t allow me to come out of there without a degree in my hand. So, I’ll do anything they say. Fix me, tape me up; do anything. Just make me appear for the exams. And if they make me drop out, I say i’m not going out without a fight.

Sounds fair doesn’t it?

The tables will change in due course of time, I know this for a fact. I’m waiting for my turn. Desperately waiting. ..

 

The Confession

So there. It’s just a month or two away from my 4th Anniversary in Blogging. Without much research, I’m guessing the precise month to be November. Yup. It was on Nov. 2008 when I began all of this. Well, it’s time for some of those things which I have wanted to share here, for a long, long time now.

First and foremost; as any responsible blogger (oh yea, I’m matured! ) let me wish all the malayali’s around the world a very Happy Onam! It’s an auspicious day and the stage is set for my confession it seems!

Once again, I repeat. Don’t expect too much masala to come out of this confession. It’s just that, whenever I feel alone and whenever I feel I don’t have anyone else in this world to share all my troubles; I just come around here and type all those things which I’ve wanted to say. My few followers would’ve known this as a fact by this time, I guess. And please don’t take all this fore-wording in a negative way. I mean, I know I’m not a Blogging celebrity or something. The thing, my mind has been pre-occupied with a lot of stuff lately. Polluted might be the right word to use at the situation I guess. Anyway, I have to shout it out to some one or at some place, shouldn’t I? Moving on with a heavy mind has been a tough task. I got used to it, I admit. Over the years it had become a part of my system. And almost every time, all of these troubles or problems were results of my outrageous actions. Outrageous in the sense, you-were-doing-something-you-weren’t-supposed-to-do kind of.

My friends who have come across this blog would have realized one thing by now. My life is in deep shit! Let it be the Engineering course I chose or let it be simply sitting at home. My life revolves around trouble. One way or the other, trouble finds a way to reach me and hit me. And whenever something hits me, it never leaves without making an impact of sorts.

Academics has been a persistent pain in the ass since the time I began Blogging. You guys would know that. And much hasn’t changed since. Things just got worse each passing day. Arrears have amassed like a heap of shit over my head. I know. I and only I are responsible for all of this. I mean, I can stall my parents for the next one and a half years by blaming the stupid staff of my college. But ultimately, it’s me who has to clear up all this mess. That goes there.

Love life, as you know. It never reached anywhere. I think I was hopelessly praying for a miracle to occur without trying much. Lazy.Idiotic.Stupid. I know. You can call me anything. But still, the only thing that didn’t change was my love. It sounds a bit cinematic, isn’t it! Ha ha, I wish things were better. But god knows his way of doing things and let me see where he takes me next. Still being the persistent-optimist.

College has been a living hell for the past 2 and half years. If I go on saying about my college life, it goes on like a never ending story. So it’s better to keep it there in the shelf for sometime. Like Chetan Bhagat said, If I ever manage to get out alive from that college, I’m sure; I’d write a book about it. Or at least Blog about it; i swear to god! (Please do remind me ok, I tend to forget promises ).

The only good thing I got over the past 4 years was friends. Even in stupid college, its just friendship that keeps me motivated. Let this be a dedication to my best friends. Thank you guys for being there whenever I needed you the most.

For, one thing I know for sure. Friends won’t be there to write your arrear exams. Whenever your mind switch back to the practical mode, it’s like there’s no more life left in you. It’s you against a lot of people. Just people. Strangers. Why is the world like this? I really have no idea. Why can’t we go back to the good old days when love was everything and computers were just machines? Not anymore I guess. Just another lazy, Utopian dream of mine, I think.

It’s when you’re beaten down by the system, you desperately wish for a change. You never do that when you’re on the top. Loser’s life is hard to live my friends. I’m guessing, Flintstones had a great life! No java, no C++, no Discrete Mathematics. Nothing. Live,love,survive. That was some life, wasn’t it guys!!

Too much knowledge ruins our common sense. Desperately wishing for the tides to clear and please let the bright rays of the Sun soak me. Cleanse me please. I wish I could be a child again. Be free again. No tensions. No hatreds. No broken hearts. Nothing. Live,love,survive; just as I said above.

I’m guessing I’m asking too much. Brave men are the one’s who confront an obstacle and surpass it. The one’s who run aren’t remembered as brave. I don’t want to be remembered as a brave man who met a natural death; for everybody dies. Death is the only truth in life. Then why make life harder if you’re to die finally.

I hate this system. You all would hate this system when you cross-examine the flesh and bones of it. We make our lives a bit harder every passing day when we could have made it a bit easier. But no. Things shouldn’t come easy. You have to earn everything in life. For what? To die at last? God gave us a life to live. We should try to be happy whenever possible. But happiness never lasts. I guess that’s why they say, Rest In Peace when you’re dead. World’s greatest comedy is that you have to be dead to get some peace in life!

I just hope things clear out in my case. I just hope that I would feel relieved when I read this post a few years from now, hopefully with a person I love. I just hope….

 

The past two months; a Review

My last post was rather a happy post. Oh yes,I had my Lasik Treatment. Got rid of the glasses.Everything was happy and perfect! That small vacation went quite well. Actually, it was a blast considering the fact that myself and my friends went on a tour for the first time on our own! Even though I was stuck at home for almost 10 days, the trip made up for those 10 days. Also friends kept me busy by coming home every day, back then.

But happiness never lasts forever. It never does. Life is never a “happy-ending” movie. And so, my troubles found a way back to me after some time.

But before, I wish to share my usual boring troubles, I must say at least a few words about my eventful tour with my friends.It was the best!! The best so far, i.e.Though we’ve been planning since the 12th vacation time, we never really went anywhere. When it comes to sticking together, we weren’t quite known to be the preferred ones. So our tour got delayed and delayed and delayed. Just like that. 3 years since the 12th vacation, all it took was some tired minds and the desire to break free from our regular duties. A road trip was the perfect solution to all our desires. In our otherwise ordinary lives, this trip came as a blessing that really helped us get a breath of fresh air, for a change. All of us, had semester breaks. But,the tour which had immense planning was saved till the last moment due to several reasons. But everything went according to plan without any major troubles until the last day before the trip. It was then, when we realized our vehicle,the one we were planning to take on rent; had been of taxi-permit. Which meant,it couldn’t be driven by regular drivers, but by the ones who had a taxi-badge. The law said so. This was the last minute glitch that didn’t actually cost us anything. If nothing, the trip was at stake. With nothing to lose and bored minds, we were determined to get out of our homes somehow on that day even if it meant driving a taxi Innova. But mind you , that was all we needed. That last little push. And we were on!

The ride was sweet. Even though we were 9, the Toyota Innova had enough space for all of us. The vehicle had everything. Us, fuel,an LCD tv, and a superb music system. The roads were waiting and we went on!!We had planned to visit Thekkady followed by stay at Vagamon. It was adventurous in every sense. Driving during the daytime was a walk in the park when compared to driving in the night. We had tried our maximum to avoid night driving as it was the rainy season and the area was hilly. But somehow, wrong route and late schedule meant we had to drive some time through the night. At one point,we had drive through a small pocket road towards Vagamon. We had missed the cut while coming from Thekkady and went on for another 20 odd kilometers before realizing our mistake and finally returning back to the original route. But mind you, even though it had a sign board saying Vagamon, after covering 2-3kms we were thinking whether there would be any road left in another km or so! It was becoming narrow and all the more slippery with constant rains. And yes. The adventure we were waiting for came knocking on our wheels! The car got stuck at one point and all of us got out of it into the rainy,muddy terrain getting ready to pull the vehicle. But somehow, with god’s grace and some simple physics; the car managed to come through it without the pushing.Lighter weight meant, much more pulling power! Simple! I’m still thanking god on that particular adventure which went quite smoothly considering the fact that we would have been left stranded in the pouring rain begging for help.

From there on, the trip and the experience was a breeze! Nothing bad of sorts happened. And to our surprise, the home stay we chose was empty. Which meant, full freedom!!!! The person who looked after it was a good man,jolly and mingled with us easily. Later on, my friends went to the town, in thick mist searching for some beer.They told us that the mist was unbelievable. And frankly yes. Because it was off-season, the place was more riskier than ever. You couldn’t really see what’s in front of you. It was that damn thick! On coming back, we had our food; which was excellent. Just like home! That’s one thing that went quite well! Food at our place was superb!! After a boozing session and a follow up madness session we were put to bed and continued our journey the next day. Everything was cool and perfect!

So that was it. The trip!Sorry for the ‘few’ words that went on and on! Time for some reality. Soon after the trip, I was getting ready to leave. Into the dusty, dark realms of Coimbatore.To get my ass whacked again. :X

Classes started and now its been a month. Results were out. I flunked. DISASTER…!!

NO explanations will be given on that account. That’s something I’m trying to keep to myself as of now. Every discussion will just add more pepper to the wound. Again, another trouble comes knocking in. The all-familiar “attendance-lack-age” . Aahaa!! So that’s it. Life’s full now! My plate’s full for another month or so. But again, the lack-age problem was solved with much trouble. It took three and a half days for me to find a guardian so as to present him before the stupd staff of CSE; so that they’ll be pleased and would grant me the permission to enter the classroom. They kicked me out on Monday and I was back on Thursday afternoon! Look at the damage they’ve manage to do. Before that, i had been regularly attending the classes for 2 weeks continuously and all that build up was crushed down, just like that! Now I’ll have to begin from the beginning to prevent a lack-age in the present month. Sick bastards would only learn if they’ll have their kids learning Engineering in such a third grade college. Oh yes, I’ll have my pay back some time soon. God ain’t so partial everytime!

But yes, there are still reasons to cling on to. Like our class IV(industrial Visit), to Banglore-Mysore-Coorg. It had been yet another trip that has seen premature death last semester due to lack of planning and silly ego’s. In the amidst of all these tensions, one of our classmates had a tryst with fate as her father passed away succumbing to cancer. She had lost her mother also earlier. Amidst all these tragedies, she managed to stay on her feet with a smiling face all the time. I really respect her for her determination and mental strength. Comparing to her struggles, mine are nothing but pebbles.

I think I’ll stop here. Said more than enough. Life had been a mix, yes. But I should remember at times that there are others who’ve gone through (and still going through) worse and survived. It’s easy to say, I know. But have to do the same, no choice here.

 

Not on a long leave…

It’s been a while since I’ve done anything here, i know. I’m not on a long leave,though.Every now and then, i make it a point to come across here, do some random editing and dash out. But the thing is that, life has been; like always, keeping me busy. It’s been a bit of mess actually. I’m in deeper troubles than ever.Earlier on, I had the option of “Home” whenever I had such troubles. Like poor academics,not-so-helping staff, etc., but staying at Coimbatore, and coming home for weekends mean that I’m just taking some time off from my regular routine of getting beaten up. The body has taken a toll on this constant bashing. Let it be the system or any person.Nothing has helped me off late.

So that was the thing that kept me off from here. Too much to think about, and less time to type it out. Actually, I might laugh at all this a couple of years from now on, but surely; the present scenario demands some thinking.Let it be crooked or noble. The roads are tough, I reckon. But life is also not an easy ball game. You’ve got to have the “balls” to play it!

And yes, the all familiar though has crept me again. Of losing touch over my language. A bit too much of the Tamil wind, I guess. You slowly become part of the system. You fight. But you slowly become part ot it.

 

Anyways, ultimately I have to survive and i will. So just keeping up the spirits and will be back soon with more goodies, hopefully.

 

Post Surgery Trauma

Last week(27-5-2011) I underwent a lasik-treatment for eyes to get rid of my glasses. However simple the procedure was, the post surgery period has been the most difficult one to deal with yet. I’ve been barred from using TV,Computer,Bike, etc, meaning , I”M STUCK AT HOME doing nothing. Eat, sleep , eat and sleep again. The routine has been pretty simple for a week now. Nothing really happens as all that I see these days are myself on the mirror or my family members. True, it’s a blessing in disguise to spend some quality time with family. But after a few days, I guess they too get tired of seeing you around. But you have no choice but to stay indoors.

Heavy raining and the risk of infecting my eyes have so far prevented me from going out except for an occasional check-up with the doctors(today). Thankfully, friends kept me busy through these boring times by coming home rather on a daily basis. And guess what. Their visits paved the way to the planning of another trip this vacation! It’s a long struggle for me to get a convincing approval from my parents in this regard, but the good news has been that so far 9 guys have agreed to come! That’s a first in our case considering the fact that most of never really share the same vacation space. It’s really high time that we should do such a thing. As they say, these things come rarely in life. Who knows what we’ll be ending up doing in the next 10 years. So better have some fresh memories with us in case we end up doing something utterly un-inspiring.

AS for the surgery, the procedure went swiftly; hardly lasting 15 minutes on the whole. Once the laser beams were activated it just took about 5-6 minutes for each eye. The laser machine operates with a sound similar to those of space-ships. And also the doc’s do it in a kind of way reminding you of a rocket launch! They were actually doing count-downs like ‘seven-six-five’ !! Also another thing was the smell. It’s kind of a burning smell you feel down there. It’s actually burning out the un-wanted power portion of your eye. So I guess that’s how human skin or body smells like when burnt, but not most of them get to sense it while it’s being done!

I consulted Vasan Eye Care hospital in this regard and let me tell you, the service there was excellent! I rarely do like to go to hospitals ‘cos I really don’t like the smell of medicines and everything. But this place was anything but hardly a picture of your normal hospital! It was more like an entertainment center in some sorts! Even though its less likely that someone from Vasan would be checking around this post, I’ll do my part by conveying my heartfelt thanks to the whole staff of Vasan Eye Care, Ernakulam and Thrissur. These guys really changed the way I saw the world, literally!

So that’s it! The end-of-the-second-year vacation has brought me with a lot of experiences and a lot of time. A trip is in the waiting and a life ahead without the burden of spectacles on my nose. Now I can see fine, just like most of you out there! Hoping to see things turn out good ! : )

Thank You vasan!

 

What next….??

CONFUSION has been pretty much the stable thing in my life for a few years now. Don’t know whether it’s one of those usual teen stuff, but I’m pretty much passed my teens now. But really, all these years; I’ve been nothing but confused. More and more confused every passing second.

Oh, yes! I do have certain aspirations. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m not a totally lost cause. But the thing is I really don’t know whether my aspirations are really desperation’s for a better life. It’s not that I have a great life now. But somehow, I just keep on focusing on those things I don’t have rather than the one’s I have. They say, ‘ I’d never ever have enough. But I ask, if you truly want something so badly that you’re willing to do anything for it, that’s really a life worth living for isn’t it?! You guys know where I’m going with this. Well, let’s not go down that lane today. Been there quite a few times already. It’s the same old path my mind choose to walk over whenever I open up my blog. So don’t worry. Let’s talk about something else, then.

THE other thing that catches my mind quite often is when I think about life. Frankly speaking, I never had any idea of what to do in life before joining College. After joining college i.e , I’m thinking of all those possibilities, all those jobs I could have expect for the one I chose,of course. I’m being lazy, I know. And I perfectly know that I really don’t see myself doing any job in the future having the love for it. The only thing I’d love to do would be sitting in home, having some snack maybe and watch a good movie! Well, they don’t pay you for watching movies.

LIFE is not always about those fair-tale dreams. It’s mostly about making choices. The hard ones and probably the right ones. We don’t know. We sail in this ocean of life having the freedom to go anywhere. But once you choose the path, you never really have the choice of coming back. Ghosh! I really wish things weren’t so complicated. Like in the stone age. That was some life, you see! You sleep, get up, survive and sleep again. Eat,go boning any time you want,discover fire,wheel etc. and all those things that would make life easier. But really, all of our efforts to make life easier just made it a whole lot more difficult. I’m not blaming our great-great-great…..grandfathers for their efforts. I’m just saying that the “survival” part in the 21st century is whole lot more difficult than taking a walk in the jungle(well, that too was dangerous and difficult; but more of body than mind I guess, I don’t know).

YOU chose Engineering because anything less seems to be not an option ‘cos you don’t want to be left out in the race. And then what? You end up last in the race?? You could have started a whole new race for yourself. You really could have! But no, you choose to walk down that all familiar path which has been prescribed to all young men in your society. Anything different would instantly make you an out-cast. The one that couldn’t handle pressure or the one who hasn’t got it to make it. Nonsense! Utter nonsense, I say.

Life is as I’ve said before, about making those choices. As of now, I have plenty of choices ahead of me and thankfully the freedom to choose. All I want to do is to make a choice that would not put myself in a situation where I’d find myself 10 years away from now, doing some crappy job I don’t like being left all-alone in life. Most probably, that would be the situation 10 years from now. But at least, I want to see myself happy. To see that aura of love around me. Life not being static. I guess, dreaming about something and getting to it are quite different after all. Let’s see what hold up.

 

Mixed Bag

I’m going through that phase in life where everything seems out of place. Home, College again Home. It doesn’t always make sense. Everything seems out of place. My thoughts. My life.

Dunno why, but this has caught me at least a month back I guess. Whenever exams are on; it’s like my life finding an excuse to shy away from the regular duties. Traveling back and forth doesn’t make things easy. College a few days, and then back home for some break. It really keeps me off the ground these days.

It’s not that I’ve lost track of time or something like that. I used to have such situations whenever I get some free time. But that’s not the case nowadays. I’m fully occupied, yet feeling like a kite floating in the air without any strings attached; hoping for a safe-landing some day,perhaps. All the passions I have; none seem to help me much these days. Love is a lost cause, but I still hold on to it like its become attached to my fingers now. Travel, hasn’t been of much help either,’cos the only ones I have these days are the usual boring ones from College to Home or vice versa. Mind has been really begging for a break. Something like a long tour into a peaceful jungle with friends in a rugged SUV might be the medicine for the hour. But as of now, those remain nothing but a distant dream. Also, escaping from reality isn’t always the option,for if you have to ever live such a life, it’d be one with no strings attached whatsoever. But not here, in my world. I’m bound to my family, my friends,and my circle of people. Escaping from this normal pattern would be breaking all the shackles. It might sound like freedom, but I feel it’d be a less exciting one ‘cos I’d be left all alone if I was to ever do such a thing in my life. Loneliness is never the real freedom.

Actually,I don’t have to do much these days apart from my normal duties like studying and writing exams. But I’ve always been the thinking kind. The kind which thinks a lot and does really less. Whenever I start thinking of possibilities, I usually cover at least 90% of all possibilities that could have occurred. No, this doesn’t mean I’m a genius-calculator who always analyzes anything and everything in life before taking a decision. In a sense, it’s true. But my mind doesn’t work the Mathematical way. Rather it prefers to wander around random thoughts, like an artist would examine the stone before sculpting. Again, I don’t prefer to be called as an Artist, either. I’m a guy who falls somewhere in the middle. A mixed bag, sort of. Whenever my mind lets loose too much, I make it a point to come back to reality. Practicality once again. But not for long. Life gets mechanical and my mind finds its own ways to freedom.

That’s a general outline of my life so far. The inner self, I guess. Now, there are quite a few who might think I’m being stupid or lazy. While I may agree to the latter, I don’t see myself a stupid for having such a life. With all the practical elements present in me, I could have become successful in life like any one of you. I could have. (By success, I infer only academics. My life hasn’t gone too far to claim larger successes.) But no, I didn’t have any of those moments in life which most of you guys would call a success, as a matter of fact. Neither did I have any success on the other side. The side where freedom matters and you make a living out of it. The writers block. The Artist’s space. Although, I’ve been an occasional visitor, I’ve never made quite an impact. So that puts me nowhere. It’s like finding stable ground to stand in an earthquake. Nothing seems to fit. And you find yourself falling off quite often.

My thoughts have always been my guide to life and also a key factor behind almost all my failures. I stood there thinking of all the things that could have happened and did those things which I thought were correct. I’m not having any regrets for my actions. But somewhere down the line, there’s still that feeling of ‘what-would-have-happened-if’. I keep dreaming. Thinking is one way to put it. But actually, I keep dreaming most of the times. To let myself free. To escape from all tensions. I just keep dreaming. It’s not like sitting on a bench staring at the clouds whole day thinking of nothing. It’s like you’re doing something, but somehow your head doesn’t seem to pay much concentration into that process.It’s like, you’re there; but you’re not there.

And as i said earlier, I dream of all those things that could happen to me. I dream of making it big in life, like the most of you. I dream of turning all my failures into gradual successes, again; like the most of you. But where I falter is that, all I do at most of the times is keep on dreaming rather than acting to see these dreams come true. The real hit comes when I dream about my love. I just keep dream of all the good things that could happen between us and keep hoping for some miracle that would make the opposite feel the same way about love the way I do. It’s like throwing a stone into the pond expecting it to throw back it at you someday. But that’s love. You can’t really tell when frogs learn to throw stones, can you?!

These days with exams and stuff, it really has not been easy. If you put it on a paper, the equation is simple. Study and write the fuckin’ exam. But again, my mind doesn’t work that way. It keeps thinking of all the rubbish thoughts and I finally end up messing myself up. Off late, things haven’t been going too good in my family also, with mom and dad down on health. Even the stuff going around my family keeps on adding tension to my parents. So me wandering around here and there don’t help to matter much. It’s not that I have to take up responsibility or something. But still finding myself as the lost son, doesn’t really give that much of a comfort to me personally. Again, that sense of practicality kicks in. These are really not the situations where I’d go the artistic way of letting yourself loose and freeing your mind, rather these are situations where my mind would automatically take up on a ‘be-practical’ mode; but still end up making a lot of mistakes rather than solutions. Btu somehow, I hope I can be of help, rather than being a burden. Oh, god. I just keep praying that things find its own way to peace.I pray to you for the health of my parents, and to show me the way in these really confusing times.

All I can do is pray. …